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My wife and I adopted because we wanted another child. We suffered two miscarriages and were too afraid to keep trying at the risk of losing more babies. The prospect of adopting was a big pill for us to swallow, but, in our case, it went down smoothly enough. All of the adoptive families we knew had, to our knowledge, adopted their kids for the same reason – they wanted to be parents (or wanted to be parents again).
It wasn’t until we started diving deeper into "the world of adoption" that we began meeting people who were more mission-minded in their motivation to adopt, xanax no prescription. These were wonderful, selfless people who were great parents, Buy generic accutane, but their noble motivation made me feel small and I started taking a defensive stance. It wasn’t just adoptive parents either. I clearly remember sharing a meal with some friends who were praising us for adopting because we wanted to, not because we had to (they assumed this since we already had one biological child). I didn’t let on, but I was offended. Xanax no prescription, I felt it was better to need to adopt because raising a child in a home that has rescued him but doesn’t cherish him is tragedy.
Recently, I’ve become more of a centrist, if you will, in terms of my motivation to adopt (or foster). I’ve adopted a bit more of a missional attitude because I know kids in foster care. I have heard first-hand accounts of children in poverty who need forever families. I see these kids and I hear their stories and my heart physically hurts, phentermine cheap. The burden is real, xanax no prescription.
I have to stop and consider, "What would I save this child to. Do I want to be a dad again. Do I want to be a foster parent again?" For me, there is no longer a rigid dichotomy of needing to adopt versus wanting to adopt. My motivation is not either one of duty or one of desire. Xanax no prescription, I look at my girls – all of them, adopted and otherwise – and I realize the duty has become my desire. There is fullness in all of it.
Most parents make the choice to adopt due to infertility or miscarriage. We certainly did. And yet in our desire to have our children fit right into our family, we must not ignore where our children have come from. It is part of their story, xanax no prescription. Order lorazepam online without prescription, At the same time, an increasing number of parents are adopting because of the distress of orphans worldwide. A burden for these children will surely play a role in our next adoption (no plans yet). Where they have come from is only part of their story. Their past should not define them nor make them the ‘family project.’ These children want and need to fully belong. They need so much more than our hospitality.
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We adopted our children from the foster care system. Just about every chance I get, I advocate adoption from foster care. The most misunderstood conversation I have, is when I try to explain that the state offers financial incentives that remove some of the barriers to adoption. There are thousands of people out there that might be willing to adopt and would be loving parents IF they could overcome financial obstacles. Say people with older children and starting to crunch the retirement numbers who worry about paying for college and retirement at the same time, or people who love kids, but will never be able to save the $40 or $50k needed for international adoption. Whenever I bring it up, the reaction is oh no, we don’t need the $$ to adopt. For us the reality is, the free college the state offers is the difference between adopting two and adopting three or four. Adopting a 12 year old can be scary if you can’t come up with college money in six years. I don’t know anyone who adopts as a mission without actually really wanting the child to be their own. We are consisting adopting a teen ager sometime in the future, because we believe having a loving family is equally important to young adults as it us to toddlers. I do agree, however, that you have to mentally redefine family when adopting children from more than one mother, of varying ages and races, but believe me, the kids don’t care, and all see themselves as family. We have a friend who raised four kids of her own, and over the years has adopted ten more from foster care. While saving kids is obviously her mission, it evolved as she continued to foster kids after adopting the first one or two. I’ve drawn a line in the sand and told my wife we need to stop at four, and I hope she doesn’t present me with a compelling story why we should adopt number five. Right now we have a three year old and a two year old we adopted, a one year old sibling we currently foster, and a newborn who just arrived last week. We pray her mom can make the changes in her life necessary to raise her.
By: Dave C at 9:39 am on February 3rd, 2010
You’re certainly right about the financial side of adopting out of the foster system. I would note that different states handle the whole college tuition thing differently. For instance, in Texas a child will only receive free state tuition of they were “in the system” for two years or more before being placed for adoption.
I also really appreciate your perception of birth parents. They need our prayers and our respect, no matter what their situation.
By: Matt Donovan at 1:37 pm on February 3rd, 2010