Michael Monroe « Back to all authors

A little bit about me … I am 34 years old and live in Texas. I married my high school sweetheart, Amy, and we have been married for 14 years. We have four children – Miles (6), Grant (5), Kate (2) and Carter (2) – each of whom were adopted.

Amy and I lead a ministry at Irving Bible Church (Irving, Texas) called Tapestry. It is a ministry for adoptive and foster families and we truly enjoy serving and being a part of this community of families.

By day, I am an attorney for a private oil and gas company, working mainly on international projects – so I travel more than I would like. Amy is a former elementary school teacher and now has a more than full–time job keeping up with our kids and keeping the Monroe household functioning well. But one of our greatest passions is sharing with others the blessings we have experienced first–hand through the miracle of adoption.

Amy and I recently sat down and wrote a brief account of our personal adoption journey.

Michael’s Archives

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  Jason Weber recently posted this letter on the Hope for Orphans' blog Buy prozac without prescription, .  In this moving letter to his son, Joshua, written the morning of his "adoption day," Jason offers some beautiful insights about the importance of this day for Joshua and their family, as well as about the parallel meaning for all who have been adopted into the "forever family" of God.
  

  Dear Joshua --

  As I write this it is about 5:30 in the morning.  The house is very quiet right now, but it won’t be for long.  In less than three hours, you, me, your mom, and your 3 sisters (who will probably be wearing very fluffy dresses) will pile into the van to go the courthouse for your adoption day.  While you’ve been with us for just over six months already and I considered you my son the moment you arrived, there is something very important about today. Purchase nexium online, What makes today different is the fact that you being my son and me being your dad becomes FINAL. When something becomes final, rest always follows.  When God created the world and everything in it – from trees to dandelions (don’t let anyone tell you they are weeds) to the duckbilled platypus – He finished all of that and then there was rest.  When your mom and I finish a hard day of working, there is rest.  When a runner runs a race and it is finally over, he rests.

  So today, when the judge hits the top of her bench with the gavel, your mother and I will take a deep breath inside and feel this great sense of peace and rest.

  Josh, one of the reasons adoption is such a privilege is because when I think about the process of adopting you and your big sisters, soma discount, it helps me to understand God much better.

  The Bible says this:

  “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.  This is what he wanted to do and it gave him great pleasure.”  – Ephesians 1:5 (NLT)

  There are many times when I don’t understand why God would ever want me as His son.  There is nothing special about me and I am always messing stuff up.  There are things I know He wants me to do that sometimes I am afraid to do or just too lazy to do.  But that verse tells me that He didn’t adopt me because I was good enough to be adopted by Him.  He adopted me because He just wanted to, buy prozac without prescription. He just wanted to and it gave Him GREAT pleasure.  Now, this is something I really understand.  And the only reason I understand it is because I have had the privilege to adopt you and your sisters.   Joshua, I just want to adopt you.  It gives me such great pleasure to do so.  In fact, I can’t believe I get to adopt you.  Your mom and I love you so much and we are overjoyed to be able to call you our son.  It gives us GREAT pleasure.

  So with that, Lasix sale, I am going to get up and iron my shirt and get ready to take you to the courthouse, little man.  Let’s get this thing final and enjoy the rest that will come.

  Love,

  Your Dad

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  Synthroid online, I recently read this article, A heartbreaking request: Take My Child, from the Miami Herald, and I was struck once again by the extent of the devastation and hopelessness that pervades Haiti.

  The realities this article reveals are shocking.  Scores of Haitian parents are convinced that there is no hope, for them or their children.  As a father, it is difficult, almost impossible, to imagine their situation.  These parents are willing to go to extreme measures to protect and provide for their children, where to buy cheap alprazolam, yet the only hope they see for their children is to say ‘goodbye’ and have someone take them to the U.S.

  We who live here in the land of plenty have the opportunity and the privilege to take help and hope to Haiti.  While adoption has been and will be the answer for hundreds of Haitian children, what many thousands of Haitian children need most is for us to not be stingy with our hope, but instead take it to Haiti.  In response to the father’s plea “take my child, Cheap flagyl, ” shouldn’t we be ready with hands extended and hearts committed to reply instead, “take hold of this hope” — a hope that is “good news” both here and now and for eternity.

  I, my family and my church are all prayerfully considering how we can best ‘take hope to Haiti.’  Even as the stories from Haiti cease and the images fade, I pray that we would not forget or fail to respond.  If you are interested in how your family or your church can help ‘take hope to Haiti,’ take a few minutes to learn more about the efforts of  the Haiti Orphan Relief Team, cheap cialis online.

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  It was my 27^th Order alprazolam online without prescription, birthday (in the spring of 2000) and the doctor called with the results.  The diagnosis was clear and simple: Amy and I would not be able to have biological children without major medical intervention . . . and even then the chances of conceiving were very slim.

  That night we went to dinner and just sat in silence and ate.  We were in an emotional fog of sorts.  I don’t think we said ten words between the two of us until the very end of the meal. 

  “So what are we going to do,” I asked, even though we both kind of already knew.

  “I suppose we will start learning about adoption,” Amy quietly replied, betraying the loss and pain, not to mention the fear and uncertainty, we both were feeling, order alprazolam online without prescription.

  --  --  --

  Fast forward to the spring of 2008.  Amy and I got away for dinner where the conversation ranged all over the place – family, school, activities for our four kids, church ministry, vacation plans and so on. Then, changing the subject, I said, buy tramadol online, “You know, medical technology has come a long way and we never really got a full explanation for our infertility.  If there was a really good chance, maybe even 100%, that we could conceive, would you do anything differently then, or even …”

  “No,” she quickly replied, “I think we have exactly the family we need . . . Order alprazolam online without prescription, and that God wanted us to have. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

  I have long clearly seen God’s redemptive love at work in our lives and the lives of my children, as He put together the broken pieces to create something truly beautiful.  But it wasn’t until I read Miroslav Volf’s article, The Gift of Infertility, Cheapest clomid, that I fully appreciated that the children I have come to love so deeply were blessings I could not have received without first having received the gift of infertility.  I love how Volf describes coming to this realization as he reflected on his own journey:
  

  "During those nine years of infertility I wasn't waiting for a child who stubbornly refused to come. That's what I thought at the time. I was waiting for the two boys I now have, Nathanael and Aaron. I love them, and I want them in their unsubstitutable particularity…

  Then it dawned on me: Fertility would have robbed me of my boys, order alprazolam online without prescription. From my present vantage point, that would have been a disaster – the disaster of not having what I so passionately love. Infertility was the condition for the possibility of these two indescribable gifts. And understanding that changed my attitude toward infertility. Since it gave me what I now can't imagine living without, poison was transmuted into a gift, God's strange gift.

  …I have Nathanael and Aaron. Order alprazolam online without prescription, It's them that I love. It's them that I want. And it's they who redeem the arduous path that led to having them.”

  
  I neither asked for nor particularly welcomed (at the time) the gift of infertility that I was given.  But it is that gift for which I am so deeply grateful because it led me to blessings that have made my life so very full.

  I encourage you to read the entirety of Volf’s short article, xanax pills. It has been profoundly encouraging to me, and I hope it will encourage you as well.

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  Buy tramadol from canada, “What is real?” asked the Rabbit one day . . .

  “Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse.  “It’s a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

  “Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

  “Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.  “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

  “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

  “It doesn’t happen all at once, phentermine prescription,” said the Skin Horse.  “You become.  It takes a long time.  That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

  This conversation is captured by Margery Williams in her children’s classic, The Velveteen Rabbit.  The Rabbit wants to become a “real” rabbit and early in the story it encounters the Skin Horse, a well worn and wise veteran toy in the nursery.  Skin Horse offers his profound insight to Rabbit – and to us – about what it means to become “real.” 

  It’s likely every adoptive parent has encountered the dreaded “real parent” comment at some point.  My children are mine and I am theirs.  We are every bit a “real” family.  I am their “real” dad, my wife is their “real” mom, Plavix without a prescription, they are my “real” kids and they are all “real” brothers and sisters.  Believe me, we have the ups and downs, highs and lows to prove it.

  Still, each of my children have a history that pre-dates me – some of it known, much more of it unknown. I am not a part of that past, but I have the opportunity to embrace it and to help my kids embrace it.

  All of my children are on a lifelong journey that is physical, emotional, relational and spiritual.  I cannot travel this journey for them but I can choose to travel it with them— following their lead and compassionately guiding them when needed.

  This journey will not be short and it won’t always be easy or comfortable. It is not tailored for those who need to be “carefully kept.” If I will embrace their journey as my own, discount alprazolam, however, I have the opportunity to experience a deep and lasting connection that comes from making each step of their journey an inextricable part of my own.

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  Discount zoloft, Discipline. It's something that our kids need, but often times we as parents don't know the best way to provide it. As I've read Dr. Karyn Purvis' book, The Connected Child, cheap zithromax tablets, and learned from her insight, I have come to understand just how important it is for me as a dad to respond to my children in ways that deepen and strengthen my connection with them, not just changes their behavior.

  That is what the IDEAL response is all about.  Take a few minutes to watch this short video that explains the IDEAL response, Order viagra,  and then try it with your kids (whether they are adopted or not). When I am consistent to respond to my kids in this way - both in terms of correcting bad behavior as well as praising them for what they do well - it makes a huge difference.  In the end not only is the behavior changed, but we are both more content and our connection to one another is strengthened.

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  Where to buy cheap phentermine, “Hey kiddo, you sure are special.”  I suspect many kids hear this often from their parents.  I know my kids do. 

  In fact, since my kids were little I have told them three things almost every day of their lives: “I love you, you’re special and I love being your daddy.”  As they’ve gotten older we even converted this into our very own sign – three fingers sticking up, each representing an element of my reminder to them.  As they are getting out of the car for school in the morning I typically flash three fingers at them.  In response, Grant, my seven year old, is always good for a “I know dad – you love me, I’m special and you love being my . . .” as the car door slams to.

  So the other night we got to talking right before bed and Grant asked me, “Daddy, why am I special?” 

  “Good question,” I replied, as I bought myself some time to compose an answer.  “Why do you think you are special?” I asked. 

  “Because I was adopted?” Grant replied, as if asking me to confirm that he got the answer right.

  In Grant’s response I was reminded of something that we as adoptive parents must be sensitive about.  Our adoption stories are indeed special, cheap alprazolam bars, full of miracles, joy and blessing.  Our children are special, themselves a miracle and a joy and a blessing.  But our children are not special in the same way that our adoption stories are special.  Even more importantly, our children are not special because of our adoption stories.

  Our children are so much more than a story – more than a past, present and future.  They are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of a loving and gracious God.  They are passionately loved by this same God and they are objects of His pursuing and redeeming grace.  They were made by Him and for Him.  This is what makes them “special” and imbues them with unimaginable worth, where to buy cheap phentermine.

  I know firsthand how our understanding of adoption changes over time.  This is true for us as parents as well as for our children as adopted persons.  Maybe “changes” is not the right word – maybe our understanding simply becomes more complete.  As the years go by and the complexities of our story become more evident and understandable, we and our children gain new perspectives and discover varying emotions and realities associated with how “we” came together as a family.  Some of these perspectives reveal a fresh sense of amazement and wonder; some of these emotions and realities can be difficult and even painful.  As a result, it is important that our children are neither defined nor valued in relation to their adoption story.

  Having collected my thoughts I replied to Grant, Order alprazolam online, “No, silly.  You’re not special because you were adopted – although I do think you have a pretty special story.  Why are you special?”

  “Because God made me?” he replied.

  “That’s right,” I said.  “And who loves you?”

  “You do,” he said.

  “But who loves you more?” I quickly replied. Where to buy cheap phentermine, “God does, I know.”

  “Hey, Grant . . .” flashing three fingers as I walked toward the door.

  “I know, you love me, cheap lorazepam online, I’m special and you love being my daddy,” he said.

  How true that is.

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  Where to buy propecia, For me, two things that mix well are football and adoption.  Granted I am biased, as an adoptive dad and college football fan.  But some of our previous posts - such as my story about my one and only football experience with my son really and the adoption storyof U. of Georgia coach Mark Richt - prove my point.

  Here's another good adoption story with a football angle.  It details the adoption journey of U. of Tennessee athletic director Mike Hamilton and his family.

  Mike and his wife Beth are very open about the role their faith played in the adoption of all five of their children - two adopted domestically, and most recently three siblings adopted from Ethiopia.  Mike explains their adoption journey in the following way: "I can’t define it except to say it’s God-inspired. If you’re not a Christian, it might be tough to understand, but that’s where we are."

  In the article, Beth states, "Our first two adoptions were us trying to form our family with God's guidance, where to buy propecia. Buy cheap plavix, These adoptions were about God giving us His heart."  Like me and my wife, infertility originally led the Hamiltons to adoption.  But as with so many others (including us), God used their early adoption experiences as a gateway to further opportunities to both be a blessing and be blessed.  Rather than pitting those two types of adoption experiences against one another, as if were one were more 'right' or 'noble' than the other, I love the way Beth explains how God was at work in each -- just differently.

  The article also goes on to deal with the question of why the Hamiltons chose international adoption and not domestic (for their most recent adoptions).  Mike Hamilton responds:  "There are 500,000 orphans in the U.S., ordering phentermine online without prescription, 147 million in the world.  The point I want to make is, these are kids God has placed in the world. We need to reach out and care for these kids. Let's not talk about kids here or in Africa or Russia or wherever. Let's just do it."

  Well said.  Whether it's adoption or foster care, Order xanax online, whether it's advocacy or prayer, whether it's 'here' or 'there,' we have been given a great opportunity and a tremendous privilege to put love into action for the benefit of those who are close to the heart of God.  In light of that, I think Mike's right - let's just do it.

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  Cheapest levitra online, I still frequently run into the idea, somewhat to my surprise, that "love is enough" when it comes to overcoming the very real challenges faced by many children impacted by adoption and foster care.  Don't get me wrong - love is essential.  Of course I'm not talking about the sentimental notion that borders on magical, but rather the real thing - love in action.

  As many adoptive and foster dads have discovered, what our kids need in order to heal and become all that God has created them to be is our compassion, our understanding, a willingness on our part to learn and seek help and a determined commitment to provide them what they need in ways that deepen our connections with them.

  A friend of mine (Billy Cuchens) recently wrote this brief story and I think it illustrates this reality well.
  

  
  

  A Temporary Delay

  
  By Billy Cuchens

  During foster care training, an instructor told Laurie and me, “Remember when The Beatles sang All You Need is Love. In foster care, forget about it. It takes a lot more than love, cheapest levitra online. The children coming into your home are there as a result of some form of trauma and you’re going to need a lot more than love. You’re going to need patience, discretion, communication between spouses… I could go on and on.”

  I thought about this a few months later when our foster care agency placement office called about placing a sixteen-month-old boy. They told us he had developmental delays, that he’d require Early Childhood Intervention, and that he had been diagnosed with Failure to Thrive – where an infant who fails to gain weight or grow properly for an extended period of time. Although we were nervous about what that meant, we believed God led this child to our home and accepted the placement. Cheapest levitra online, Once the CPS worker dropped him off, we learned within just an hour what they meant by delays. He was very small, still in nine-month clothes, and only weighing 18 pounds. Cheap levitra online without prescription, While his body was bone thin, his belly protruded from malnourishment. He was unable to walk and even his crawl was stiff and awkward – one hand made a fist and the other flat. His cry was soft, almost silent, even though tears streamed down his face, as if he’d already decided nobody was listening and gave up trying to be heard.

  I remember my wife rocking him in her lap and crying, cheapest levitra online. “Are you worried that he has too many problems?” I asked.

  “No, this is the son God has given us.” Her bottom lip quivered. “My heart is just so broken for this little one. How could someone do this to something so precious?”

  We spent the next few days reading books on where a sixteen-month-old boy should be developmentally. Cheapest levitra online, It took several days before he’d let me pick him up, so he spent practically every waking moment with his new mom as she worked with him on speech and walking and, within a few days, he took his first steps. A few days later, he gave us his first smile, a chipmunk smile with two big teeth on the top and two on the bottom with round cheeks. He even learned the baby sign language for “please” and “more.”

  Laurie also paid special attention to nutrition and researched what foods would be better to help him gain weight while still nourishing him. Every hour, we fed him a combination of nutritionally dense foods and a liquid diet of Pediasure. To her delight, getting him to eat was no problem. He ate like a garbage disposal – beets, brussel sprouts, etc, cheapest levitra online. After a few weeks on his mom’s diet, he put on weight and soon grew into the proper clothing size for his age.

  I thought it would bother me that he attached to Laurie so quickly but not me. But in recalling some of the horror stories of attachment from our training, cheap lorazepam tablets, I was just glad he was attaching to Laurie. I figured with enough patience and compassion, sooner or later he’d attach to me. Cheapest levitra online, Once he did, he clung to me like any son would cling to his daddy.

  We gave him his new name, Isaac. He continued to progress far beyond what CPS, our agency, and even his mother and I thought possible. In fact, he’d progressed so quickly that Laurie asked the ECI specialist to reevaluate him. They determined that he no longer needed any help and that, in a shockingly short amount of time, he had caught up to target for his age in every area. Even his asthma symptoms went away over time, cheapest levitra online.

  Ten months after coming home, we went to court and finalized Isaac’s adoption. Even now, he continues to have some behavioral issues. The trick for his mother and me is deciphering which issues result from past trauma, which are typical boy behavior, and which are bad habits he’s picked up from us. At first, we feared the unknown. Order levitra overnight delivery, I think we both wondered how we’d be able to care for a high needs child. But we figured it out – with a lot of love, patience, compassion, etc – and we can look into the future knowing that whatever may come up, we can figure that out too.

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  Cheap tramadol overnight delivery, Many adoptive parents can attest that the adoption journey often presents a myriad of challenges, especially early on.  This is why it is so very critical for those in the waiting phase as well as those who are still in the 'honeymoon' period to begin to get prepared, get connected, stick together and maintain the proper perspective.

  This article, Help. We're Adopting, from the August 2009 issue of Adoption Today magazine, cheap generic acomplia, focuses on how you can do just that.  The article also features Scott McClellan (another AdoptiveDads.org contributor), his wife, Annie, Cheap levitra, and their precious little girl, Elise.  Scott and Annie really took to heart the need to find support and helpful resources early on in their adoption process, and as a result they are well prepared for any twists and turns they may encounter as their journey unfolds.

  Let us hear from you.  Tell us what worked for you as you got prepared, stayed connected, clomid generic, stuck together and maintained your perspective - or how you are in the process of doing these things.

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  Order cialis online legally, As dads we have the incredible responsibility and privilege to create strong and healthy connections with our kids in order to help them grow to be healthy, happy and all that God has created them to be.  At times this can be quite the challenge, and even more so for parents with "children from hard places" - kids who have abuse, neglect, trauma or other types of harm or pain in their background.

  Empowered to Connect is a great new resource that provides adoptive and foster parents with the practical tools they need to forge meaningful and lasting connections with all children, especially those from "hard places." It features the work of Dr. Karyn Purvis, Director of the TCU Institute of Child Development, prozac generic. A great many adoptive and foster families have already benefited from Dr. Purvis' insight, wisdom and practical approach to parenting.  Empowered to Connect is aimed at sharing this insight and these practical tools with many more families. Viagra prices, This resource currently consists of an online library of articles, audio and video presentations covering a variety of relevant topics. In addition, it will also include a study guide that will be available later in 2009.  Great for individual use or small group discussions, this study guide will highlight and examine many of the Biblical principles that serve as the foundation for the approach and interventions taught by Dr, ordering soma online legally. Purvis in her book The Connected Child.

  Be sure to visit the Empowered to Connect blog to subscribe to receive email updates or the RSS feed.

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  Buy diazepam, This is the seventh post in our series, The Reality of Adoption: Confronting Common Myths. To read the overview of the series and find links to the other installments in this series, click here.

  Myth: All adopted children will experience problems and issues.

  Reality: While some adopted children will experience problems and issues, the pervasiveness of such problems is not as significant as is generally assumed. The heart of the matter, however, is that adoptive families have an opportunity to provide a child with unconditional love for a lifetime - and that love has the power to transform the lives of everyone involved.

  It is more often thought than said, and it’s loaded with assumptions, myths and fear. We see it reflected in many different ways, from off the cuff statements to feature length motion pictures. I'm referring to the commonly held notion that children who were adopted have more problems than others, and for whatever reason or no reason at all if you adopt you are likely to spend a lifetime dealing with “someone else’s problem.” Sound harsh and unfair, buy diazepam. It is, especially because on so many levels it is untrue, unfounded and obscures the true joy and blessing that so many families find through adoption.

  When talking about this topic I often hear adoptive parents somewhat defensively remark that there are no guarantees that children born into families won’t also have problems themselves. While certainly true – children that enter a family whether by birth or adoption can be born with or later encounter problems, issues and challenges of various kinds – it seems to also miss the point. This line of argument likely leads directly to even more questions and discussions about if and to what extent adopted children have more problems and challenges, what those might be, whether they can be overcome and on and on.

  Instead our starting point must always be to affirm that children are a gift from God (Psalm 127:3 Buy diazepam, ), each fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) in the image of our Creator. This is true of all children, not just those without so-called “problems.” That the brokenness of this fallen world came crashing in on a child resulting in abuse, order prozac online legally, neglect, abandonment or relinquishment in no way takes away from that child's God-given worth and preciousness. We must always keep this in mind as it alone - not a child’s history, issues or behaviors - determines that child’s true value and worth.

  With that in mind, the question still remains: Do children who were adopted experience and exhibit more problems than children born into families. The answer is yes . , buy diazepam. . and no.

  Some research and studies and have shown that adopted children do experience (in varying degrees) higher incidences of social, behavioral and educational problems and maladjustments than non-adopted children. (Psychological Issues in Adoption by Brodzinsky and Palacios (2005), p. Buy diazepam, 118).  These differences are based on a variety of factors and causes, such as age at adoption and past history of abuse or other harm. However, these differences are far less dramatic in non-clinical studies than they are in clinical studies (Psychological Issues in Adoption, p. 118). In addition, while the differences can be significant, the overall effects of these differences between adopted and non-adopted children are shown to be of a small to moderate magnitude (Psychological Issues in Adoption, p. Cheap cialis, 119). Yet at the same time, various studies show that adopted children are on par and even in some cases ahead of their non-adopted peers (see generally Psychological Issues in Adoption and a 1994 study by the Search Institute comparing adopted teens with their non-adopted peers), buy diazepam.

  The bottom line is this: each child that is adopted is as unique as each family that opens its heart and home to welcome her. Many adopted children will face challenges and issues of various kinds. These may be due in part to a prior history or abuse, neglect or trauma, the grief and loss associated with adoption itself, or they may be unrelated to adoption altogether. Whatever the case, we are left with this basic question – will these children have the unconditional love and support of a well prepared and committed family. Buy diazepam, I am certainly not suggesting that those considering adoption, nor those of us already traveling the adoption journey, ever take lightly the potential problems, issues and challenges that children may experience. For this reason it’s extremely important that we examine our motivations and expectations, take the initiative to become educated on a wide range of relevant topics and intentionally seek out meaningful and supportive relationships with others who will offer their insight, prayers and encouragement. And far from being just a few more items on the long list of adoption “to do’s” that are important before a placement, these steps must be an ongoing part of every families journey well after their child is home.

  Despite whatever difficulties and challenges may come, the miracle and the blessings of adoption remain. What others may see as “someone else’s problem,” adoptive families know as their privilege and joy. Adoption grants us a different perspective, a unique vantage point if you will, about what it means to love unconditionally. And as we learn to fully embrace our children with this unconditional love in action, amazing things will happen - not only for our children, buy cialis from canada, but for us as well.

  Here are a few additional resources relating to this topic:

  • Empowered to Connect

  • Tapestry Post-Adoption Resources

  • Adoptive Families Magazine Special Report: Nature & Nurture – A New Look at How Families Work

  • Search Institute Report (1994): Strengths of Adoptive Families

  • University of Minnesota – MN/TX Adoption Research Project

  • Evan B. Donaldson Institute Policy Paper:  Adoptive Parent Preparation Project Phase I: Meeting the Mental Health and Developmental Needs of Adopted Children by David Brodzinsky.

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  Official online pharmacy, This is the sixth post in our series, The Reality of Adoption: Confronting Common Myths.  To read the overview of the series and find links to the other installments in this series, click here.

  A Different Perspective on Foster Care

  By Michael Monroe and Daniel Donaldson

  Myth:  Foster care is about providing a home for abused and neglected children until they can be adopted because parents whose children are placed in foster care are people who don’t care about their kids and for whom there is little or no hope.

  Reality:  Foster care, properly understood, is a ministry with many different opportunities to love and serve not only abused and neglected children, but also their birth parents by praying for, supporting and encouraging them (in appropriate and healthy ways) toward healing and restoration.

  Many of us approach foster care with a certain set of assumptions.  Assumptions about the system, the kids, the birth families, the social workers and on and on.  From those assumptions we often form rather rigid perspectives and understandings of how things work and how situations and people will end up.  In an effort to make it all make sense we arrive at what we believe is, and will most likely be, the norm – the ‘rule’ if you will.  And we often hold out little hope that things can and will turn out differently.

  Every once in a while, however, we come across a grace-filled story that serves an ‘exception to the rule’ – and it shatters what we thought we knew about foster care.  These ‘exceptions’ stretch and challenge us even as they cause us to consider new possibilities and ask the all important question “What if?”

  Kim* and Shelley’s story is just such an exception.  Their story should cause us to re-examine our ‘rule,’ consider new possibilities and ask ourselves what the foster care system might be like if we, together with thousands upon thousands of other followers of Christ, began to act as, and expect, the ‘exception to the rule.’

  An Unusual Introduction

  “Hi, my name is Kim and I’m here to help you get your kids back.”  Even as the words fell from Kim’s lips she couldn’t believe what she was saying.  Yet her statement, as compassionate as it was prophetic, marked the beginning of an amazing and inspiring foster care odyssey for all involved.

  Kim, a young and inexperienced foster mom, had struggled for days leading up to her first meeting with Shelley.  Shelley’s young girls had been removed by Child Protective Services and were now living in foster care with Kim and her husband Steve.

  “What do I say when we meet?  How do I introduce myself?  How will she react?  Do I even want to meet her?”  These questions and many more flooded Kim’s mind as she repeatedly wondered to herself, Pharmacy phentermine, “What have we gotten ourselves into?”

  Like many others, Kim and Steve got involved with foster care for a variety of reasons.  On one level they knew of the need – so many children in need of protection, care and unconditional love.  Motivated by their faith and a deep compassion for these children, Kim and Steve wanted to help and becoming foster parents seemed like the best way for their young family to do that.

  At the same time they were also open, maybe even desiring, to add to their family through adoption.  In fact, the thought had already crossed Kim’s mind that maybe, just maybe, these two girls they were now fostering might one day be theirs.  Nevertheless, they became foster parents primarily to help the kids, but were now becoming aware that behind each scared and hurting child in foster care there is often one or more hurting and broken birth parents.  They felt somewhat prepared to care for their kids, but they were now coming face to face with a less obvious but equally challenging reality: to truly care for these children they would have to also care about and for their families, official online pharmacy.

  So there was Kim in the CPS office standing within arm’s length of Shelley. In this uncomfortable and somewhat surreal moment their two very different worlds met, and Kim knew that the foster care journey that God had placed them on was going to be very different than anything she could have ever imagined.  As she looked Shelley over, dressed in baggy hip-hop garb with her hair slicked down, all Kim could think was “She’s just a kid herself.”  Kim could sense that Shelley was angry and defensive, but Kim also sensed that more than anything she was just scared.  She was right.  Kim couldn’t have known at the time, but she eventually came to learn that Shelley herself had been abused as a child.  Her childhood was nothing short of a living hell.

  The Necessity of Hope

  Lacking any sense of stability and possessing no healthy relationships to speak of, Shelley wandered aimlessly into and through her teen years and, not surprisingly, fell in with the wrong crowd.  No matter what she tried, she always seemed to follow one bad decision with another, until the weight of so many bad choices finally came crashing in on her – and her children.  Shelley’s two little girls were removed from her home and placed into foster care because the state determined that they were not safe.  But like so many other parents in similar situations, Shelley loved her children and wanted the best for them – everything she never had.  The issue was not a lack of love for her kids, but a lack knowing how best to raise and protect them.  Shelley had no idea about where to turn or how to escape from the prison of bad relationships and wrong choices she was trapped in.  She wasn’t the perfect parent and she was keenly aware of that.  Maybe the foster care system could provide a way out – not only for her children, but for Shelley as well. In order for that to happen, however, Shelley would need to encounter people in the system that wanted to help her children as well as her.  What Shelley needed was hope and people who were willing and able to offer it to her. Official online pharmacy, For Shelley, real hope seemed only a distant reality.  In order to allow her kids to return home, Shelley was told that she first needed to create an effective support system around her.  That sounded fine and well, but Shelley, like many other young women in her position, hardly knew what an effective support system looked like, much less how to assemble one.  Shelley needed more than someone simply telling her where she was going wrong and what she needed to do right.  She desperately needed someone to believe in her, embrace her – imperfections and all – and be willing to walk alongside her on the path toward hope and healing.

  The changes did not come instantly, but Shelley worked her plan and things eventually began to turn around.  Over the course of many months it was two steps forward followed at times by one step back, but Kim meant what she said when she first met Shelley.  What started as an awkward and unexpected greeting had become Kim and Steve’s mission.  They had come to believe in Shelley enough to take the chance that she could turn her life around.  If and when she did, this would mean one less family permanently disrupted.  Kim and Steve understood more and more each day that their family had become foster parents for reasons that were so much bigger than they could have ever imagined when they started.  Foster care was becoming their ministry and it was an opportunity to be a part of helping to restore and change lives, order xanax overnight delivery, even as their own lives were being changed in the process.

  As Shelley continued struggling to get things together, Kim and Steve never gave up hope and never stopped praying for Shelley and reaching out to her to show their support in tangible and practical ways.  They helped make sure she could get to her parenting classes and counseling sessions.  They helped her find a job and even invited her to church.  They prayed for her and encouraged her as she made decisions and took steps to put her life back together.  They had always been focused first and foremost on what was best for Shelley’s girls and they extended that same focus to Shelley as well.  As they did, they realized that Shelley and her daughters were becoming part of their family.

  Kim and Steve were not the only ones helping Shelley and her girls.  Shelley was also blessed to have a compassionate and caring case worker, who in some ways was too young and inexperienced to know that few would fault her if she assumed Shelley would fail.  Equally important, Shelley began attending church with Kim and Steve and she was amazed to see how the church welcomed her in.  Church was probably the last place Shelley would ever have expected to find support.  In a short period of time, however, the church became the backbone of her support system, helping her not only find a job, a car and a place to live, but also the love, acceptance and relationships she needed to ensure her recovery would succeed, official online pharmacy.

  Expecting the Exception

  Kim, Steve and Shelley’s story is, in many ways, not the norm.  As Kim and Steve soon found out with subsequent foster children, some birth parents are unable or unwilling to make the right decisions and pull things together in order to become suitable parents.  But the question remains – should we assume the ‘rule’ or should we expect the ‘exception,’ no matter how frustrating it may be at times and no matter how often we are proven wrong.

  Foster parents have tremendous power to shape our foster care system by providing an environment that creates many more ‘exceptions,’ and gradually, if ever so slowly, changes the ‘rule.’  This is not some idealistic vision that calls for the end of foster care in our lifetime or even an ambitious and laudable effort to clear the roles of children who are waiting.  No, what we need is an army of foster parents that re-imagine what is possible because they understand foster care primarily as a ministry.  With a renewed and fresh passion to see hearts mended, bodies healed and lives transformed – both children and parents alike – these foster parents can, and are, making the realities and outcomes of foster care different for all involved.  They expect the ‘exception’ and refuse to accept or even be discouraged by the commonly assumed ‘rule.’

  This is precisely what Kim and Steve did with the help of many others.  Easier said than done – no doubt.  But then again, the ‘exception’ – filled with miracles of grace and blessings of hope – is far better than the ‘rule.’

  Today Shelley is married to a loving husband and together they are raising her two girls.  After Shelley’s two girls were able to return home, Kim and Steve moved to a different city and Shelley soon followed.  She now lives just down the street from them, and they and the kids get together often.  Shelley still works for the same company she began working for while her kids were still in foster care.  Most importantly, Shelley has come to know and experience the redemptive power of Jesus Christ.  Because of His grace in her life she continues to heal from her own painful past even as she provides the love and care for her girls that most thought would never be possible.

  Kim and Steve fostered again and they ended up adopting a little girl.  They have since adopted again.  You don’t have to talk to them long to realize that they are the first to acknowledge that foster care stories do not always work out like theirs and Shelley’s did.  But having seen the redemptive power that this grace-filled ministry can have, Discount phentermine, you will never convince them that the blessings of approaching foster care in this way don’t far outweigh the risks.  After all, two little girls and a mother have been reunited, more healthy and whole than ever before, and no one who participated in or witnessed this wonderful story will ever see foster care quite the same again.

  * The names in this story have been changed to protect their privacy..

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  Viagra for sale, This is the fifth post in our series, The Reality of Adoption: Confronting Common Myths.  To read the overview of the series and find links to the other installments in this series, click here.

  Myth:  Adoption is a great way to "save" or "rescue" a child.

  Reality:  Adoption is defined by mutual blessing - both being a blessing and being blessed.  But the adoption journey is also marked with loss and pain as well as challenges.  In the end, buy viagra no prescription, Cheap doxycycline tablets, our motivation for adopting must always include a committment to love unconditionally - no matter what.

  Read Saved By Adoption: Nikolas' Story (from the June/July 2009 issue of Adoption Today magazine) to see what Don and Joanie learned about what it means to "save" a child through adoption. Where to buy bactrim.

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  Order ultram online without prescription, This is the third post in our series, The Reality of Adoption: Confronting Common Myths.  To read the overview of the series, click here.

  Myth: Attaching with an adopted child is difficult and is often impossible.

  Reality: With the right approach and some patience you can form a secure attachment with your adopted child.

  Mine. It’s the cry of every young boy and girl as they excitedly pronounce their exclusive claim to a much coveted toy. Mine. As in all mine, my very own and just for me. At some level we all can understand and relate to this child-like claim of ownership and possession, order ultram online without prescription. As we get older, however, we come to learn (hopefully) that life requires us to share, and that in so doing we can actually find great satisfaction and joy.

  When it comes to the thought of our own child, our heart still yearns to exclaim “Mine!” Yet for those considering adoption the question “will he be mine?” is one of the most pressing and even fear-filled questions they must face. The usual assumption is that biological parent/child relationships are best and as a result those considering adoption are often left to search for answers to questions that may seem impossible to answer.

  Generally speaking, women seem more willing to discuss these difficult issues of bonding and attachment relating to adoption. Order ultram online without prescription, However, I’ve learned that men (even those who are already dads) also face similar questions and concerns as well, even if in their own way. I wrote about some of my own experience in Completely His, where I detailed some of the questions that I faced as I sought to discover who my son truly is and understand how best to connect with him. And for those who adopt a child that has experienced abuse, neglect or other life traumas, questions and issues of attachment and connecting can be all the more acute, buy xanax online legally.

  Are You Willing to Dance?

  Fundamentally, the issue of attachment raises two questions for parents: will my child bond and attach with me and will I bond and attach with my child?  The answer is an unequivocal yes – but you must be willing to learn to dance.

  Simply understood, parent and child attachments are nothing more than relationships, but they are incredibly special and important ones at that. Many adoption and child development experts have concluded that virtually every child can form healthy and secure attachments with their parents, but it may not happen immediately and it may not unfold exactly the way you imagined, order ultram online without prescription.

  To build this secure and trusting relationship you have to be willing to learn what Dr. Karyn Purvis refers to as the “attachment dance.” This dance is nothing more than the recognition that attachment is a two-way street where the parent and child are constantly learning about and from each other. As you “dance” with your child his needs are met and an all-important trusting relationship is formed.

  Learning the “attachment dance” with many children adopted as infants comes fairly easily and almost naturally. Order ultram online without prescription, However, for children that have experienced abuse, neglect and institutionalization it can often take longer to learn this dance. The same can even be true for a child adopted as an infant if his birthmother was exposed to high levels of stress or harmful substances during her pregnancy. For these children, parents need to be able to identify any number of potential attachment related issues or challenges and they must also be willing to consider some unique approaches to parenting in order to help their children heal from their past and form secure attachments for the future. The key is, however, that regardless of a child’s start in life, with the right approach and some patience you and your child can learn the “attachment dance.”

  In addition, when approaching the issue of building a secure attachment with your child, it is important to recognize that what you, Cheap acomplia online, as a parent, bring to the table is equally important. Each parent has his own attachment style, which resulted in part from his own past experiences as well as the attachment style of his parents. In fact, research shows that children more often than not take on the attachment style of their parents, order ultram online without prescription. Therefore as parents focus on forming secure and healthy attachments with their child it is important that they become familiar with their own attachment style, learn to be honest about the pain and hurts from their own past and always remain mindful of their own emotional well-being. This self-reflective approach will help to ensure that you as a parent are learning your dance steps.

  Steps to Help Build Secure Attachments

  As questions about attachment begin to flood your heart and mind, always remember that you are not alone. Questions like “will he be mine” or “will she bond with me” are perfectly normal – and they are questions worth spending time on as you reflect and seek answers.

  Here are just a few simple steps that you can follow as you confront the myths surrounding the issue of attachment:

  Remember that you’re not alone Order ultram online without prescription, – Questions regarding attachment in adoption are very common and normal. Recognize that you are not alone in having these questions and even fears. This recognition will allow you the freedom to confront these questions even as you seek wisdom and guidance in finding answers.

  Talk with others – Make a point to find other experienced adoptive families that you can talk with openly and honestly. Ask questions of them and listen to how they dealt with their questions and fears. Find out what was helpful for them as they confronted these same issues, order ultram online without prescription.

  Read and prepare before you adopt– Adoption often comes with some amount of waiting required. Use your wait to read up on attachment issues that are relevant to the adoption path you have chosen. Here are just a few books and resources that can help:
  

  The Connected Child by Drs. Karyn B. Order ultram online without prescription, Purvis and David R. Cross

  
  

  Attaching in Adoption by Deborah D. Gray

  
  

  Welcome Home: A Guide to Bonding With Your Baby After Adoption (www.adoptivefamilies.com/bonding/)

  
  

  Resources from Dr, order prozac overnight delivery. Karyn Purvis – a collection of helpful resources, including video presentations, from Dr. Karyn Purvis explaining the attachment cycle and dealing with various attachment-related issues (www.irvingbible.org/index.php?id=1581 and www.empoweredtoconnect.org)

  
  

  Attachment Disorders – a detailed site containing information concerning a wide variety of attachment issues and challenges (www.attachmentdisorder.net/)

  .

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  Alprazolam prices, Fears, questions, doubts and concerns.  About what you know . . . about what you don’t know . , online cialis. , alprazolam prices. about what you know you don’t know.

  When it comes to adoption and foster care these are normal and even common experiences and reactions. Yet there is still the challenge of confronting the many different myths about adoption and foster care, Levitra pharmacy, and sorting through all the fact and fiction to discover the reality of it all.

  That is why we have launched this series entitled The Reality of Adoption: Confronting Common Myths – to offer solid information as well as our collective insight borne from experience. Alprazolam prices, Do we have all the answers. Probably not. But we hope that this series is both helpful and encouraging for you or someone you know.

  So let’s get started, cheap generic phentermine. The series will include the following posts from several of the Adoptive Dads contributors:

  • The Good Wait
  • You Can Afford to Adopt
  • Will He Be Mine?
  • Parenting Minus/Parenting Plus
  • Saved By Adoption
  • An Exception to the Rule: A Different Perspective on Foster Care
  • Someone Else's Problem.

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  Buy viagra online, Scottie Reynolds is no doubt on 'cloud nine' right about now. Earlier tonight he hit the game winning shot with less than one second remaining in the East Regional Final of the NCAA Men’s College Basketball Tournament to send the Villanova Wildcats to the Final Four. Given the stage on which he was playing and the fact that the game was against the No. 1 ranked Pitt Panthers and was by all accounts a true classic, the shot by Reynolds will be replayed again and again for years to come – and will likely come to define what has been a stellar college basketball career.

  But neither this shot nor this game, and not even basketball in general, comes close to defining Scottie Reynolds. Who he is and his story is far more complex and multi-faceted than any sports writer can capture, although this article (written today but before the game against Pitt) chronicles well some of Reynolds’ journey thus far, buy viagra online.

  Scottie was adopted by his parents, Rick and Pam Reynolds, as an infant. Like most adoptees, as he grew older Scottie found himself with many questions about his birthmother and about his past. With the help of his parents, cheap soma, several years ago Scottie was able to contact the adoption agency in Alabama that placed him for adoption where he found some information about his birthmother and the circumstances surrounding his adoption. Since then he has obtained contact information for his birthmother, but he has yet to contact her. Buy viagra online, He plans to do so when he feels the time is right for both of them.

  Life’s road hasn’t been easy or even kind to Scottie at each turn. In the rough and tumble environment of major college basketball, opposing fans, familiar with Scottie’s adoption story, have resorted to cruel chants of “Scottie doesn’t know” as a way to try to get inside his head and throw him off. According to his coach it doesn’t phase him, and his performance on the court seems to certainly bear that out.

  The reality, however, Lowest price nexium, is that Scottie does know some very important things – things that are far more important than wins and losses, game winning shots or even making it to the Final Four. In a recent interview he said, "I think every person has their own story, buy viagra online. Mine has been a journey of a whole lot of different things all rolled in one. It hasn't all been bad. It hasn't all been terrible. I'm actually thankful for the situation I've been put in." And in an interview during his senior year of high school he said, “Everybody that knows me knows that [my faith] comes first. Buy viagra online, It hasn't changed for 18 years. By me having faith, I can overcome a lot."

  It is clear that Scottie knows well who he is and what’s most important in life. Stories will continue to be written pointing to Scottie's adoption story and personal journey as something that he has somehow had to overcome. It seems to me, however, that his adoption journey has been the blessing that has helped to redeem his past, make his present possible and prepare him for a promising future, buy cialis. As an adoptive dad, Scottie's perspective is one that I hope and pray my kids will someday share as they seek to make sense of their broken past and move forward in faith to all that God has in store for them.

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  Cheap soma no rx, I can vividly remember the moment that I saw my oldest son for the first time. I’m not talking about the day I first laid eyes on him when he was only 18 days old, or the next day when we brought him home, changing our lives forever. I’m talking instead about that cool November afternoon, nearly two years from the day we first met, when I began to look beyond all of my assumptions and even hopes and dreams concerning my son, and caught my first glimpse of the ‘real’ him. That was the first time I believe I truly met my son, as I started to let go of who I thought he was and would become and began to fully embrace the adventure of discovering who God had uniquely made him to be.

  Not Made in My Image
  No two adoption journeys are exactly the same, but many adoptive fathers encounter similar questions and challenges as we grow into our role. So much of an adoptive parent’s experience is identical to that of any other parent, cheap soma no rx. And yet, adoption offers a few ‘extras’ that come with parenting a child that claims so much of us but does not share our genetic fingerprint.

  For some adoptive parents, maybe especially adoptive dads, one such ‘extra’ is the temptation to assume or even secretly desire that our children – especially sons – will grow to resemble and reflect us in many different ways. We dream that they will share our same likes and dislikes, our same habits and traits, even our same quirks and mannerisms. In some ways we dream that our kids will be a “mini-me” of sorts – a scaled down version of ourselves. Cheap soma no rx, Certainly there is nothing unnatural in wanting to share our experiences, interests and passions with our kids, nor is it the least bit wrong to hope our children will take the best personal traits we have to offer. But I have come to realize that in some ways I secretly hoped my son would become a complete ‘mini’ version of me. I wonder if I am alone. I wonder too if this is somehow more of a temptation for adoptive dads, if only because we know so well that our children were at one time strangers to us in every sense of the word. Perhaps it is subconscious and subtle, as if somehow a deep longing for a visible and tangible connection to a child who holds an indescribable claim on us. Maybe this was simply my way of laying claim to him so as to reassure myself, if not also to convince others, that while he is not “of me” he is certainly all “mine.”

  So there I was on that cool November afternoon in the front yard with my son, then just two years old, eager to engage him in a right of passage for all fathers and sons – a game of catch, cheap soma no rx. I had long dreamed of passing on to him my lifelong love of football and I had recently purchased a junior sized football emblazoned with the University of Alabama logo. I was convinced it would appeal to both of us – me being a lifelong Alabama football fan and my son being an animal lover and thus naturally attracted to the team mascot, Big Al the elephant, ordering phentermine online cheap. It was yet another subtle sign that he and I were clearly meant to be. Despite the fact that he was adopted he was after all “my” son, and I had no doubt he would develop many, if not most, of the same likes and loves as me. In my mind the formula was simple: Cheap soma no rx, I would show him the world as I saw it and as I experienced it, and he would come to see it and experience it in much the same way.

  So I stood five yards away from him and raised the football and called out to him “Here, catch.” But instead of raising his hands ready to catch the ball, he held out one hand signaling for me to stop and replied, “Wait Daddy, I need to go get my Santa bag.” With that he disappeared inside the house only to return seconds later with a decorative Santa Claus door hanger draped over his shoulder and a huge smile on his face. He then put out the other hand as if to indicate “Now I’m ready.” I was stunned – and so too were the football gods.

  I now realize that I had secretly hoped that this inaugural game of catch would serve as a meaningful bonding experience for both of us and, as a bonus, might be the first step toward eventual gridiron fame and immortality. Instead my son introduced me to an aspect of football fashion I had never imagined – and provided me with my first eye-opening glimpse into how he is wired, what he likes and how he and I might best be able to connect.

  Who is this kid?
  Never one to give up easily, I went ahead and tossed him the football. It hit him in the chest and fell to the ground, cheap soma no rx. . . and that was it. Game over. Cheap soma no rx, He was immediately off to other things such as looking for bugs and playing in the leaves. It was clear that football did not interest him, and in that moment I distinctly remember thinking to myself “who is this kid?”

  It was patently obvious to me and to everyone else that he and I did not share the same DNA. So why was it that I assumed he would like football simply because I did. For that matter, why would I assume anything at all about him. As I began to confront these questions I realized that I needed to stop assuming and begin actively discovering who this little boy, that I now called my son, was.

  I recognize now how ridiculous this probably sounds, but I also suspect that I am not completely alone, cheap soma no rx. Maybe it's not football, maybe it's music or movies, books or school, Buy cialis cheap, trains or cars or building things. Maybe it's types of foods or what you consider fun. Regardless, I suspect that many dads can relate to making assumptions and having dreams about how their kids will turn out, only to be surprised, bewildered and, at times, somewhat disappointed.

  Adoption has a way of making you think about and question things that many people take for granted. Cheap soma no rx, I suppose this is because in adoption there are very few “givens.” In talking with guys who are considering adoption it seems that many of them have concerns about what it will be like to parent a child that comes into their life in this way. Specifically, they wonder whether they will feel truly connected to their child and whether that connection will look and feel ‘normal.’ Many of us have come to realize that once the “givens” are removed, difficult questions often take their place – sometimes accompanied by doubts and even fears.

  To be honest, I am not really sure what ‘normal’ is any more. I do know, however, what it means to be blessed by the miracle of adoption. Even as my original dreams for my son were fading and my initial assumptions about him were proven wrong, a new and more beautiful reality was coming to life. Embracing him for who he is has been far more rewarding and fulfilling than I ever could have imagined – and I’ll take this over ‘normal’ any day, cheap soma no rx.

  Over the years I have slowly come to realize that my son was not made in my image. He is not my “mini-me.” Instead, as his dad I have been given the privilege to help him discover who he is and all that he can become. In the beginning I was worried about whether I would feel like he was “mine.” Little did I know that by embracing this adventure of discovering who he is I would become completely his.

  As for the football – it is no more. Cheap soma no rx, It spent a good many lonely years at the bottom of the outdoor toy box, only to fall victim to last year’s spring cleaning. Even so, I still try to watch a quarter or two of a game here and there, and, out of habit, sometimes I will ask my son if he wants to watch with me. He’s always quick to remind me “no Daddy, buy ultram no rx, you know I don’t like football.” Truthfully, I don’t really like it that much either now . . . not compared to all that I have come to know and love because of him.

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  Cheap bactrim, I was reminded last night of something I already knew, though I often try to forget it. It is one of the more sobering realities of adoption – the fact that there is no adoption without loss and pain . . . and grief.

  As an adoptive dad, like all adoptive parents, my tendency is to focus on the miracle, blessing and joy of adoption – and rightfully so, cheap bactrim. These are the undeniably beautiful realities of the adoption journey. But they do not negate the equally unavoidable reality that there is no adoption without loss and pain. Adoption is at the same time born from and a response to hurt, loss and sorrow.

  Last night I saw through my son’s tears and heard in his words the deep, heartbreaking grief that lurks in the shadows of adoption. Cheap bactrim, It was an intense sorrow caused by the loss he feels and understands now more than ever before. My son’s grief is for that which never was and for what will never be.

  In trying to carefully walk a fine line between honestly telling about our adoption journey and protecting what is, after all, his story to tell, I dare not share the details of what was said. But it was all too clear that he has now come to an age where the facts of his past no longer merely equate to a story that he feels some amount of curiosity, Order diazepam from canada, confusion and even sadness about. The books told us this would begin to happen at his age – for some children more than others. And yet, nothing could have fully prepared me for the flood of thoughts and emotions as I saw his grief come crashing in, cheap bactrim. The loss and pain of his broken past are now more fully his loss and his pain. His heart was breaking and as he cried I felt so helpless – I felt so small. There was nothing I could say and little I could do other than take turns with his mom holding him close and listening, being sure to acknowledge each and every emotion and longing he expressed.

  The adoption journey certainly has its share of loss and pain for everyone involved. Cheap bactrim, Our journey to our son has pain and loss, and even grief, but it is not the same as his. In that sense, we share the same adoption with him, albeit from different perspectives, but we do not fully share his same journey. As I held him close I so desperately wanted to tell him that I understood what he was thinking and feeling . . . and God knows I wanted to, but I can’t, cheap bactrim. Not truly. He knows it and so do I. As a result, all we could offer him was our reassuring presence to help him run toward the loss and pain, discount diazepam, not away from it. To help him own the grief that he feels, and to own it redemptively. Cheap bactrim, As a dad everything in me wants to protect my son from such grief. As an adoptive dad, this grief can appear as an unwelcome intruder seemingly intent on pushing he and I apart – reminding us both of “another” as if to suggest the need for him to make an impossible choice. But I choose to believe that his grief can bring us closer together. By choosing to let go of my desire to hold exclusive claim to my son’s love and loyalty; by choosing to see myself not as an all-sufficient substitute for what he has lost, but rather as an imperfect father dependent on God’s grace to love him well, then, and only then, can I offer my son what he needs most, especially in the midst of his pain and grief.

  I find that there is beauty in the pain and I know there is meaning in the grief. As a result, we will do our best to weave this pain and grief into the story that we tell and re-tell, being sure not to miss the beauty or overlook the meaning, cheap bactrim. But last night as I fought against my instinct to try to make the pain and grief go away, all I could do was hold my son in my arms and reassure him that I love him – all of him. This includes his pain and grief. Buy cialis without prescription, There was no nice and neat resolution to our time together, no magic words that I was able to speak to make everything better. Instead, as he cried himself to sleep in my arms all I could do was hold him, with his grief, tightly, and remind him that we are both in the arms of another.

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  Order levitra online legally, One of the most difficult aspects of the adoption or foster care journey is taking the time to honestly examine (and re-examine) our motivations and expectations. Yet, lowest price lorazepam, Price of levitra, approaching adoption from the “inside out” is an important part of successfully navigating the journey.

  Read more about this in the recent article "adoption-from-the-inside-out" from the December/January 2009 issue of Adoption Today, synthroid without a prescription.

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  Cheap diazepam no rx, Each Saturday in the fall you will find Mark Richt leading the University of Georgia Bulldogs on the football field. His success as a coach has been remarkable. But, ordering ultram bars, far more remarkable is his understanding of how followers of Christ are called to love and serve orphans. Generic propecia, For Richt and his family, that meant adoption. Watch this video recently shown on ESPN Gameday to catch a glimpse of the lifelong commitment that the Richt family has made as they live out James 1:27, pharmacy cialis.

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  Buy generic diazepam, I have been thinking a lot about this question of late, especially as it relates to the four children I call 'mine.' Pondering such a deep and unbounded question leads to thoughts about so many different aspects of their story and my relationship with and to them.

  Because each of my children were adopted this question necessarily brings me 'face to face' with the reality of my children's birthparents, in particular their birthmothers. It causes me to consider and reconsider the undeniable role each of these women played in giving my children life and their relationship with my children (and my children with them) – both past, present and future.

  Honestly I don't think most adoptive parents spend enough time really looking at adoption from the perspective of birthparents. I think this may be particularly true of adoptive dads. With the ever growing prevalence of open adoption there is little doubt that birthparents may be more and better understood now than ever before, buy generic diazepam. However, I still think that more of us should spend time unpacking this view of the adoption kaleidoscope. I know that is certainly the case for me.

  As I continue to sift through what it means to truly love my children the thought provoking article by Miroslav Volf below came to my mind. I came across the article by Volf several years ago, just after reading his amazing book Free of Charge. Buy generic diazepam, Volf, himself an adoptive father, tells of his own face to face experience with one of his children's birthmothers, and how it reshaped his view of his children's birthmothers and gave him new insight into what it means for him to 'truly love' his children.

  
  She Who Truly Loves
  -Miroslav Volf
  

  The first thing I saw was a tear--an unforgettable giant tear in the big brown eye of a ten-year-old girl. Then I saw tears in her mother's eyes. In these tears, just enough joy was mixed with pain to underscore the pain's severity: joy at seeing him, their three-month-old brother and son, and intense pain at having kissed him good-bye when he was just two days old; the ache that he, flesh of their flesh, was being brought to them for a brief visit by two strangers who are now his parents; the affliction of knowing that the joy of loving him as a mother and sister usually do will never be theirs.

  The joy and the pain of those tears led me to a repentance of sorts. My image of mothers who place their children for adoption was not as bad as my image of the fathers involved, but it was not entirely positive either, buy generic diazepam. I could not shake the feeling that there was something deficient in the act. The taint of "abandonment" marred it, an abandonment that was understandable, possibly even inescapable and certainly tragic, but abandonment nonetheless. To give one's child to another is to fail in the most proper duty of a parent: to love no matter what.

  Somewhere in my mind, a famous verse from Isaiah colored the way I was reading birth mothers' actions: "Can a woman forget her nursing child, or show no compassion for the child of her womb. Buy generic diazepam, Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you" (Isa. 49:15), buy flagyl. A good mother, I thought, ought to be like Israel's God, absolutely unable to "give up" her child (cf. Hos. 11:8).

  But a mother is not God, only a fragile human being living in a tragic world, buy generic diazepam. So why think immediately of abandonment because she decides to place her child for adoption. The tears of our son's birth mother and the actions which, like a beautiful plant, were watered by those tears, suggested that my view of at least some birth mothers may be not only mistaken but also morally flawed. I needed to repent and alter the image.

  Later, as I was reflecting on those tears, I came across a passage in Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics. Buy generic diazepam, "Witness the pleasure that mothers take in loving their children. Some mothers put their infants out to nurse, and though knowing and loving them do not ask to be loved by them in return, if it be impossible to have this as well, but are content if they see them prospering; they retain their own love for them even though the children, not knowing them, cannot render them any part of what is due to a mother." The text comes from Aristotle's discussion of friendship. He employs the example to make plausible that "in its essence friendship seems to consist more in giving than receiving affection." For Aristotle, a "birth mother" manifests the kind of love characteristic of a true friend, a love exercised for that friend's sake, not for benefits gained from the relationship.

  "It is hard to know that you have a child in the world, far away from you," wrote our son's birth mother in her first letter to us. It is hard because love passionately desires the presence of the beloved. And yet it was that same love that took deliberate and carefully studied steps that would lead to his absence, buy generic diazepam. In a letter she wrote for him to read when he grows up, Buy online, she tells him that her decision to place him for adoption was made for his own good. "I did it for you," she wrote repeatedly and added, "Some day you will understand."

  She loved him for his own sake, and therefore would rather suffer his absence if he flourished than enjoy his presence if he languished; her sorrow over his avoidable languishing would overshadow her delight in his presence. For a lover, it is more blessed to give than to receive, even when giving pierces the lover's heart. My image of birth mothers had changed: "she who does not care quite enough" has become "she who truly loves."

  When we parted, a smile had replaced the tears on the face of our son's birth mother. Buy generic diazepam, Now it was my turn to cry. Back at home, with him in one arm and an open album she made for him in the other, I shed tears over the tragedy of her love. Despite an intense affection for our son--no, because of such affection--I thought there was something profoundly wrong about his being with us and not with her. In a good world, in a world in which the best things are not sometimes so terribly painful, he and she would delight and thrive in each other's love.

  The encounter with our son's birth mother left an indelible mark not so much on my memory as on my character. She helped me articulate what it means to be a good parent, buy generic diazepam. A vision of parenting that was buried under many impressions and opinions emerged clearly on the horizon of my consciousness. I ought to love him the way she loved him, for his own sake, not for mine. I must not pervert my love into possession. I can hold onto him only if I let go of him. Buy generic diazepam, But how can I let go of him whom I long so intensely to hold. The only way I know is by placing him in the arms of the same God from whom we received him. I remembered another deeply pained woman--a woman who suffered not so much because she had to give away her child but because, like my wife and me, she needed a miracle to receive a child. It was Hannah, the mother of Samuel. She was given the child she so desperately desired because she was willing to let go of him (1 Sam, plavix no prescription. 1:11).

  Even those of us who will not set our children "before God as Nazirites," as Hannah did, will love them best if we hold them--in God's arms.

  
  Miroslav Volf is the Henry B. Wright Professor of Theology at Yale Divinity School.

  COPYRIGHT 1998.  Reproduced with permission from the August 26, 1998 issue of Christian Century (www.christiancentury.org).

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  Order soma no rx, On May 3, 2005, we returned to Texas from Guatemala City, Guatemala with our twins, Kate and Carter. They were 9 1/2 months old by this time, and the journey that finally brought us together had taken over two years and was filled with many ups and downs. But they were finally home and we were finally all together as a family - and that was all that mattered.

  Just day before we had all arrived in Guatemala City - Amy and I, our two boys and Amy's parents. That night in the lobby of the Guatemala City Marriott Hotel, on the eve of the long-awaited day when they would finally place Kate and Carter in our arms, I wrote Kate and Carter this letter to express the swirl of emotions and thoughts running through my heart and mind.
  

  April 30, 2005

  Dear Kate & Carter,

  Today we arrived in Guatemala City - all six of us, order soma no rx. It is still hard to believe that tomorrow morning they will bring you to us and place you in our arms and you will be part of our family forever. You cannot imagine how unbelievably excited we all are. And your brothers - they both could hardly sleep.

  Tomorrow is a day that we have hoped and prayed and longed for for so long. Order soma no rx, This has been quite a journey with many ups and downs, so for many reasons I suspect that one day you both may ask 'why?' Why did we travel this path. What was our motivation. Price of flagyl, Why Guatemala. Maybe even, why you.

  Truth is there are many 'why' questions that can be asked about the journey our family has been on, and is still on. And the answer to many of those questions is simply - I don't know, order soma no rx. But I want to tell you some things I do know; some things that I am completely sure of.

  One is that your mom and I love you desperately. We have loved you even before we ever knew your names, your stories or what you looked like. You both are 'pre-loved' in every sense of the word. Order soma no rx, Despite all of the ups and downs along this journey one thing never changed - our love and commitment for and to you.

  Another thing I know is that your birth mother is a loving, courageous and wonderful woman. We will always teach you to honor and appreciate the loving sacrifice that she made for you both. Your foster mom, who has cared for you these last nine months, order diazepam, is equally wonderful. She has provided you with love and nurturing care and so clearly adores and loves you both deeply. She will always be, together with your birth mother, a very important part of your, and our, stories, order soma no rx.

  But most importantly, I know that God loves you more than we or anyone could ever love you. His love is really what gives us the ability to love you, and His love has kept you and protected you - and will continue to do so. Our prayer is that as you grow you will come to understand His love for you; that you will come to understand and accept His invitation to adopt you into His forever family. There is no greater decision you could ever make; there is no greater love you could ever receive. Order soma no rx, My prayer for you both is that you will become His children by faith.

  In the end it is quite the case that we did not choose adoption - it chose us. I suppose you could also say that we didn't choose Guatemala - or even you - it and you chose us in the sense that we had love to give and you were in need of it. So why you?  My answer is 'Why not you?'  Why not a family that looks quite different but is bound together forever with a love that is too beautiful to describe. You are the latest chapter in this ongoing story; this incredible love story we call our family. And only our loving God could have written a chapter (and a story) so beautiful and wonderful as this, order soma no rx.

  Ultimately it is love and the grace of a loving God that has brought us all together. Accutane without a prescription, Our family makes evident the truth of the Apostle Paul's words: 'No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has in store for those who love Him.' God has blessed us all and so through this adoption and throughout our family we are all 'mutually blessed.' You both are truly a blessing to our family and a dream come true.

  As we embark from this point on to the next chapters of our beautiful story together I pray that God will cause and use our family to bless others and bring glory to His name.

  With all of my love forever,

  Daddy

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  How the Heart Gallery is Opening Eyes of Faith to Children in Foster Care Price of zoloft, The response is almost always the same. When everyday people in churches in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area of Texas, where I live, first hear about the realities of children in foster care, the bewildered response comes quickly - "I had no idea." There is little doubt that far too many people simply do not know about the realities that face hundreds of thousands of children in the U.S. And people seem to equally have "no idea" that there are so many different ways to love, serve and positively impact the lives and futures of these precious children.

  Turning Numbers into Faces

  Whether we are talking about the over 500,000 children in foster care nationwide, over 100,000 of whom are waiting for an adoptive family, or the fact that 20,000 kids turn 18 and 'age-out' of foster care each year without a permanent family, the numbers and statistics are staggering. But honestly, I am not altogether sure our minds or our hearts can really process numbers like these, price of zoloft. After all, we are not really talking about "numbers" – we are talking about children. And yet these children we know only as statistics are so "close" to us and their most pressing needs (such as protection, safety, love and permanency) are so basic that it seems for many they have become all too easy to overlook and ignore.

  Where I live, however, there is the beginning of a movement that is turning "numbers" back into "faces" – the faces of real children with real needs and real hopes and dreams. Since September 2006, 16 churches have prominently displayed a Heart Gallery exhibit as a way to open the eyes and hearts of people in their congregation. Price of zoloft, First started in 2001 in New Mexico, the Heart Gallery is a unique professional quality photographic exhibit of children in foster care who are waiting to be adopted by loving, permanent families. Heart Gallery exhibits have proven to be a valuable and effective tool in raising awareness of children in foster care and motivating people to foster, adopt and serve these children in other important ways. The Heart Gallery can now be found in nearly every state in the U.S., and the exhibits have predominantly been displayed in art galleries, court houses and shopping malls. Only recently has the Heart Gallery begun to make its way into churches.

  The churches in Dallas-Ft. Worth that have hosted the Heart Gallery in the past two years represent various denominations (including Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, Episcopal and non-denominational churches), range in size from 300 to 15,000 and are located in communities all across our area, price of zoloft. By opening their doors and their hearts people within our churches are responding to the call to be a voice for some of our community's most vulnerable and hurting children – and they have the potential to make a tremendous and lasting impact in our foster care system.

  Penny Cook, Lasix online stores, director of The Faith Connection, an effort in Dallas-Ft. Worth that has been instrumental in helping many churches host the Heart Gallery, describes well the potential impact the Heart Gallery is having in churches:

  "The Heart Gallery has provided congregations a valuable connection to children in foster care by giving them an opportunity to see their faces and look into their eyes. The exhibit gives people a connection to these beautiful children and truly opens their hearts and minds to the possible ways they can serve. Price of zoloft, In many churches, families have stepped forward to become foster or adoptive families, volunteer advocates or mentors. Some churches have even formed ministries to help support foster and adoptive families. And one of the greatest benefits of the Heart Gallery in churches is the incredible number of prayers offered on behalf of these children. The Heart Gallery serves as a catalyst and is planting seeds that are resulting in wonderful expressions of service."

  Churches Making Children in Foster Care a Focus

  The church where my family attends, Irving Bible Church located in Irving, Texas, has experienced firsthand the impact of the Heart Gallery. It was one of the first churches in our area to host a Heart Gallery exhibit when it did so in 2006 as part of church-wide focus on children at risk. Even though the exhibit at the time was quite simple and relatively small (only 18 photos featuring 24 children), it made an impact on a number of people who saw it, price of zoloft. The seeds that were planted resulted in an increased awareness of the children's needs and several families moved forward to become foster or adoptive parents or got involved in other ways. In addition, the adoption and foster care ministry at Irving Bible Church (called Tapestry) began making foster care and foster adoption a more significant focus and is now providing ongoing support and resources to foster families throughout the community.

  Following the month long exhibit in 2006, our church we reached a simple and obvious conclusion: if hosting the Heart Gallery was a positive experience for our congregation then it was likely to be equally positive for other churches. So we began looking for other churches in the area that would be willing to host the Heart Gallery and, equally important, offer various ways for people in their congregations to become involved. The results were amazing. Price of zoloft, Within six months five additional churches hosted the Heart Gallery exhibit, each for several weeks, and several more churches were making plans to do the same. It was clear that something was happening – something that both Texas Child Protective Services and many churches in our area were genuinely excited about.

  At that time we decided to give a name to this growing effort to "help churches help children in foster care" – and The Faith Connection was launched. From day one Penny Cook has led this church-based, volunteer effort. As a result of her efforts and the cooperation and support of many others, the Heart Gallery of North Texas has now grown to include over 80 photos including over 100 children – and is still growing. Because churches are making foster care a focus, dozens of new foster and adoptive families from various churches have been recruited and many advocates and volunteers have also stepped forward to serve children in foster care, price of zoloft.

  Taci Kistler, Director of Congregational Care at Custer Road United Methodist Church in Plano, Texas, led the effort at her church to host the Heart Gallery in October 2007. Taci recalls the impact at her church, "The Heart Gallery touches everyone who sees it because it does more than simply put a face on the foster care system – it puts heart into the matter. The children reach out to you through their beautiful smiles and loving eyes and remind you that we are all God's children put on this earth to care for one another." Following the Heart Gallery exhibit at Custer Road, Taci organized an information meeting where people could learn more about foster care, adoption and a variety of volunteer opportunities, pharmacy flagyl. As a result, six families from the church have become licensed to foster or adopt. Price of zoloft, Similar results are being experienced at many of the other churches that are hosting the Heart Gallery. Most recently, in April 2008 Irving Bible Church once again welcomed the Heart Gallery. The exhibit, complete with over 80 photos and artwork created by local children in care, opened with a Saturday night reception where people from Child Protective Services, local foster agencies and children's community organizations, dozens of churches and over one hundred foster and adoptive families were invited. The focus at Irving Bible Church continued the next day during each of the Sunday services, and after each service people were presented with various ways that they could become involved. As we have consistently done for over two years now, foster care and foster adoption training classes are again being offered to those who want to move forward – and slowly but surely we are becoming a church that is experiencing what it means to fully embrace children in foster care and the families that love and serve them.

  Overwhelming an Overwhelmed System

  Despite these exciting "successes" there is still so much more that churches can and should do, price of zoloft. Increasingly, many states are becoming open to the idea that the church is a tremendous source of hope and help for children in foster care. In 2003 the Texas legislature created a formal faith-based program called CHILD, which reaches out to faith communities and invites them to become part of the team dedicated to serving and caring for children in the foster system. Many other states have formal and informal faith-based initiatives, all of which are aimed at getting churches 'back in the game' when it comes to addressing the needs of children in care.

  It is no secret that in many ways the foster care system across the U.S. Price of zoloft, is overwhelmed. While there is much that can and should be changed within the system itself, the reality is that far too many churches have allowed children in foster care to go overlooked and ignored for far too long. But it is never too late. I am convinced that people in our churches, motivated by their faith to put "love into action," can overwhelm an overwhelmed system. With their nearly endless supply of creativity and resources and their passionate desire to selflessly serve, many in our churches can confront the stark realities that face so many children with 'soul force' and in so doing change the futures for thousands of children.

  The great British abolitionist John Newton is probably best known for his hymn, Amazing Grace, price of zoloft. Written in the latter years of his life as he was gradually going blind, the hymn speaks of the power of grace to open the eyes through which we can truly see – the eyes of the heart. Throughout our community we are seeing "the eyes of the heart" opened as people literally come face to face with children in foster care.

  There is something truly unique about seeing the faces of children in foster care - faces of every age, shape, Cheapest xanax in the world, size and hue. These faces communicate far more than any statistic ever could. They almost seem to be staring back as we gaze on them as if to ask - "How much do you really believe. How much do you really care?" In churches located where I live we are encountering many who reply "I had no idea... but now I see." And now that their eyes have been opened, neither they nor the children they are called to serve will ever be the same.

  Originally published in the May/June 2008 issue of Fostering Families Today magazine..

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  Order alprazolam online legally, We were sitting on the couch just before bed time and I was reading to Grant. He was only days away from his sixth birthday.

  Grant has never been much into ruminating or talking about things connected to his adoption. He is fairly reliable for a glancing question or parting comment here and there, but in terms of 'parking' on the subject, it just never seems to hold his interest.

  As we finished up with the story -- I think it was about Jackie Robinson, from a book about heroes -- I asked Grant a question I had asked hundreds of times before. "Anything you wanna talk about?" This question is typically met with any number of responses, order alprazolam online legally. Sometimes I get "no, but can I play for about 10 minutes before I go to bed" or "can we read one more book instead?" At other times he will pitch me a disjointed question about something that happened earlier in the day at kindergarten, assuming all the while that I was there with him and am fully up-to-speed on all of the background and details necessary to have the slightest clue what he is asking about. Every once in a while he will throw me a curveball -- some deep, metaphysical question about God or a fanciful question about heaven.

  But instead, buy alprazolam online, this night he bent his head back and looked up at me revealing large tears forming in his little brown eyes. As his lip curled down and the tears streamed down his cheek he exclaimed as he exhaled "I miss my birthmommy."

  That was not what I was expecting to my routine question, but looking back it reminds me that being an adoptive parent is often anything but routine. Order alprazolam online legally, Trying to hide my surprise -- after all he rarely seemed interested in chatting about adoption and certainly had never shown any emotion about the subject -- I switched gears to try to meet this important and special moment with the degree of empathy and careful thought it most certainly deserved.

  I quickly prayed silently that God would give me the right words to say and then replied, "Grant, tell me what you mean." As he began to talk about some of the thoughts and emotions that had clearly been knocking around in his head and his heart, it became crystal clear to me what I already knew -- all kids who were adopted have questions from time to time. Not some, all.

  As we continued to talk the questions came fast and furious. It was as though he had determined to unleash all the 'zingers' on me at one time -- as if to see whether I had been reading up and preparing to rise to such an occasion. "Do you think she misses me?" "Why didn't she keep me?" "Do you think she loved me?" "What did she look like?" "Does she have other children" "What do you know about my birthfather?" "Will I ever get to see her again?" And on and on, order alprazolam online legally.

  We chatted for more than 30 minutes, Cheapest levitra, and yet, far from being scary or intimidating, it was one of the most beautiful moments Grant and I have ever shared in our journey as father and son. Measuring my words carefully so as not to minimize or maximize his history and being careful to be honest about what little I know and much more that I don't, I met each question Grant had as an opportunity to both inform him about and empower him with what is, after all, his story. At the conclusion of this truly special chat his tears had receded and mine were now flowing.

  As for the details of my answers, you are free to ask Grant but he may or may not tell you. Order alprazolam online legally, The details of Grant's story are for him to tell if and when he wants to -- that is if you can pull him away from the computer or coax him back inside from playing in the backyard. And chances are if you ask he may not be very interested in chatting with you about it. It just doesn't seem to be on his mind all of the time. But make no mistake, he does think about it, cheap viagra tablets. And next time he does I pray that he is more confident than ever before that his dad loves him and loves chatting with him about his incredible story.

  Here are a few more thoughts on these special moments adoptive dads can share with their kids.

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  Acomplia generic, This is Part 2 of a two part series that focuses on adoptive and foster families and our churches. If you haven't read Part 1, you should ;)

  I believe that adoptive and foster families are making it clear – they are saying that far too often our local churches are not 'safe' places for them – or at least not as 'safe' as they can and should be. The unavoidable reality is that many families have responded in faith by pursuing adoption or foster care, sometimes against all odds and in the face of significant and daunting challenges. Simply put, these families have refused to 'play it safe.' They've said 'Yes!' to the lifelong journey of adoption or foster care . . , acomplia generic. and I believe that our churches must in turn discover how to honor these responses of faith, obedience and courage by becoming communities that openly welcome, truly understand and fully embrace adoptive and foster families.

  Becoming a 'Safe Place' for Those Who Don't Play It Safe

  I believe there are five essential things local churches must commit to become in order to be the 'safest place on earth' for adoptive and families. Make no mistake, each local church ministry will express a unique sense of community and way of doing ministry that is all its own. I am not suggesting a prescription for 'one size that fits all' or even a specific ministry model to be applied uniformly. Acomplia generic, Instead, I am emphasizing what our churches need to 'become,' rather than merely 'do.' It is fundamental that our communities of faith fully realize and embrace the lifelong journey that these families are walking – and commit to being a church that will walk beside them each and every step of the way.

  Churches that desire to become a 'safe place' must:

  1. Become Missional – The term 'missional' is much in vogue in church circles these days, and undoubtedly it has a variety of meanings ultimately focused on the role of the Church in proclaiming the Good News. But the term also clearly emphasizes a need to become intentional and focused in communicating and living out a message of hope and love. Churches that are missional as it relates to adoption and foster care reach out to adoptive and foster families and are willing and able to translate that message of hope and love being lived out in the lives of these families to a broader church culture that, in many ways, does not have an accurate, realistic and healthy understanding of adoption and foster care. In order to become missional in this respect churches must go out of their way to tell the stories of adoptive and foster families, and must consider their needs and unique characteristics as they develop and design programs and activities, acomplia generic. In short, churches must embrace every aspect of the unique journey that God has called these families to. This process of becoming missional is, much like the overall process of becoming a "safe" place for adoptive and foster families, just that – a process. The transformation will not occur all at once, but neither will our churches become the 'safest place on earth' by accident. They must determine to become intentional and focused about living out the heart of God for the orphan and loving and serving families who faithfully respond by adopting or fostering.

  Acomplia generic, 2. Become Open and Willing to Learn – Effectively ministering to adoptive and foster families (as well as those who are exploring) will require that our churches become far more educated on these subjects than most currently are. I believe that staff and lay leaders alike must become familiar with the facts and realities that confront these families and their children, buy prozac bars. This will require that they begin to listen, read and research as they seek to truly understand realities about which too many in our churches are completely unaware. It will require an effort to understand the perspectives and struggles of adoptive and foster families, not so much to offer 'solutions' but to learn how to better love and serve them. Our churches need to learn the right questions to ask, the right ways to offer encouragement and practical support and how to pray for adoptive and foster families, acomplia generic. Although this task may seem difficult and challenging, there are in fact several churches that are becoming missional about loving and serving adoptive and foster families. These churches represent a tremendous source of insight and information to help other churches as they undertake this important process. In addition, by being open and willing to learn the local church can become a much needed source of accurate and reliable information about adoption and foster care.

  3. Become Honest and Prepared to Get Messy Acomplia generic, – Adoption and foster care are full of joy, blessings and hope. I believe these realities are what most clearly and fully characterize these life changing journeys. But they also have their share of loss, grief, disappointment, fear, doubt and so many different characteristics that result from our fallen and sinful state. As such, it often seems that far too many churches are simply too perfect for adoptive and foster families. That's not because adoptive and foster families are any less perfect than 'normal' families, but rather because, in my estimation, healthy adoptive and foster families are often more open with their imperfectness. In other words, adoptive and foster families are often messy, acomplia generic. These families are daily reminded of a condition that afflicts us all – our brokenness. And although God has done and is continuing a miraculous work in these families, the history of abuse, abandonment, rejection, neglect, loss and grief that, in varying ways and to varying degrees, is inevitably a part of the adoption or foster care journey calls for a lifelong commitment from adoptive and foster families to help their children heal. Zithromax, These families are NOT perfect, but they are experiencing day by day the redemptive and transformational power of the love of God. What adoptive and foster families desperately need is for local churches to fully embrace them and become an integral part of this redemptive and transformational work. Acomplia generic, As they grow into just such a community for adoptive and foster families our churches will rediscover just how beautiful messy can be.

  4. Become Willing to Change – What good is it if our churches seek to learn, become open and honest and even come to grips with the messiness that sometimes accompanies adoption and foster care, but are not themselves truly willing to change. Churches must become willing to respond to these new and growing realities and to live out their desire to welcome and embrace adoptive and foster families. As they examine their willingness to change they must ask specific questions that speak to the tangible and practical characteristics of church life that impact adoptive and foster families. Will we examine our children's ministry, acomplia generic. Our jr. high and youth ministry. Will we seek to understand and respond to the real and unique needs of adoptive and foster parents. Will we commit time and resources to develop an effective relief and respite care ministry for foster parents. Acomplia generic, Will we ensure that the church nursery and childcare offerings are compliant with the minimum standards that apply to the care of children in foster care. Will we evaluate whether our teaching on parenting and discipline is truly best for children who spent years in under-resourced orphanages deprived of opportunities to develop healthy attachments and bonds, or kids that have suffered a childhood full of abuse and neglect, or even children adopted as infants who were exposed to extreme stress or harmful substances before birth. Will we re-think our 'one size fits all' mentality and our view that all adopted and foster children really need is 'love,' and begin to truly love these families by changing the way we 'do church' so that our desire to embrace and serve adoptive and foster families is obvious and sincere. 'Safe' churches must answer a resounding 'Yes!' to these and similar questions and then follow through.

  5. Become Committed for the Long Haul – Here's a secret about adoptive families – you ready, acomplia generic. The adoption journey does not end when the adoption is finalized. The adoption journey ends when you DIE. Adoptive and foster families need churches that are committed for the long haul . . . committed during the highs and the lows . . . committed during the times of joy and the seasons of pain . , acomplia generic. . committed to celebrating the blessing and grappling with the loss and grief. The hard truth is that too many churches aren't real good at sticking with things over a long period of time, particularly as things get sticky and messy. As churches increasingly focus more attention on the needs of orphans and challenge followers of Christ to consider how God might be calling or leading them to respond, order tramadol bars, including obviously adoption and foster care, these churches must commit to fully embrace families that respond by adopting and fostering – not just until the child arrives home or as long as everyone lives happily ever after, but for as long as it takes and no matter what. Acomplia generic, If local churches are willing to walk this journey of faith alongside the families that God has formed and transformed through the miracle of adoption and foster care . . . I believe that not only will those churches become the 'safest places on earth' for these daring families, but I believe that churches will to be a part of something truly remarkable. Churches all across America will be an integral part of the Gospel being lived out visibly in the lives of adoptive and foster families.

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  Ordering levitra online, If you're like me, when you initially think of orphans and children in need your mind is probably immediately drawn to the tens of millions of children living in Africa, Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe – children over "there." And this is for good reason. According to the UNICEF report Children on the Brink 2004, there were over 16 million children worldwide in 2003 without a father or a mother. Sadly, there are certainly many more by now. We often hear about the more than 143 million children in the world today that are physical or social orphans, but honestly I am not altogether sure our minds or our hearts can really process the sheer magnitude of numbers like these. After all, we are not really talking about "numbers" – we are talking about children, each made in the image of God and each crying out for compassion and help.

  But far fewer people seem to be aware of the situation that faces so many children "here" – even 'here' in the Dallas-Ft, ordering levitra online. Worth area (where I live). No, the numbers are not quite as staggering as they are on the international front, unless of course you consider that this is by far the wealthiest and most resourceful country in the history of the world. We have no ongoing war within our borders, no famine, no pandemic of disease, and yet there are over 500,000 children in America's foster care system as a result of abuse, Soma for sale, abandonment or neglect. They represent the fatherless and children in need that are right 'here.' In North Texas alone there are over 4,000 children in foster care and over 1,000 of these children are waiting right now to be adopted by forever families. Ordering levitra online, The challenge for those who follow Jesus Christ is clear when it comes to the fatherless and children in need – whether they are half a world away or literally down the street. The Old Testament is filled with instructions to God's people concerning the care and concern they are to extend to the 'fatherless.' The early church leader James was equally clear, citing care for widows and orphans as that which is 'pure and faultless' in the eyes of God (James 1:27). And in Matthew 25 Jesus himself identified with the overlooked and ignored, stating that 'as you did it to one of the least of these, you did it to me.'

  But responding to God's heart for the fatherless should not require us to choose between the needs of children 'there' versus children 'here.' The love of God and the ultimate fulfillment of hope found in Him are available to children everywhere . . . and so in response to the 'either/or' question of children 'there' versus 'here' we should be ready to answer a resounding 'BOTH.' As we continue to go to the ends of the earth to love and serve children in need, we should also be found willing and faithful to walk down the street and drive across town to be the hands and feet of Jesus to children in our own Jerusalem, ordering levitra online. We need not debate nor be forced to choose which children have the greatest needs. There are more than enough needs to go around and what is needed most is willingness on the part of those who follow Jesus Christ to simply be available and willing to serve.

  Tom Davis puts this well in his book, Fields of the Fatherless, stating that we as Christ-followers are called to a 'broad redemptive caring' which means giving of not only our money but also our time, our talents and our very selves in order 'to enter into the lives of the suffering in a way that makes a community and a family available to them.' This is precisely what children 'here' need most – a community that fully embraces them and seeks to claim them as their 'own' in a variety of creative and redemptive ways.

  As we think about children in foster care, however, we must face the stark reality that not only are there a large and growing number of children in the system, buy tramadol without prescription, but that the foster care system is, in many ways, broken and overwhelmed. Ordering levitra online, Time is literally running out for hundreds of children in our area who face uncertain futures without a family, an advocate, a mentor or anyone to claim them. Whether we are talking about the over 300 teenagers in our area that 'age-out' of foster care each year move towards adulthood with no family to call their own, or the countless number of kids scattered throughout the state because of a lack of foster families in our area, the needs of children 'here' are many and varied, and so too are the opportunities to serve.

  These realities should remind us of what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. referred to as the 'fierce urgency of now.' Dr. King's calls for justice were repeatedly met with voices arguing for restraint and delay, but he prophetically insisted that 'now' is the time, ordering levitra online. Likewise, 'now' is the time for followers of Jesus Christ to step forward and lay claim to the privilege of being a voice for children 'here.' In so doing, we have the opportunity to overwhelm an overwhelmed system by loving, serving and caring for children in our own community like never before.

  This call to love in action is not our responsibility – it is our privilege. In 2 Corinthians chapter 8 the apostle Paul writes of the surprising and generous ways of the Macedonian church. He recounts how these 'desperately poor' Christians were 'pleading for the privilege of helping out' those in need around them. In an era marked by talk of responsibility and civic duty, Lasix pharmacy, one of the unique hallmarks of the Body of Christ is the spirit in which we seek to serve those in need. I believe that God desires to raise up communities of Christ followers that are 'pleading for the privilege' to serve children 'here' and 'now,' not because it is their religious obligation or moral duty, but because it is an expression of the love of God overflowing in their hearts and lives. And as we allow this love in action to overflow we will experience the indescribable privilege and joy of being a part of the transformational work of God in the lives of ignored and overlooked children 'here' and 'now.'
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  Note: This is Part 1 of 2 Purchase valium online, in a two part series that focuses on adoptive and foster families and our churches.

  This may not be easy to read; it wasn't easy to write. But I think this is something we all need to face . . . and then go about praying and seeking to change, purchase valium online. I'm speaking of our churches and how they relate to and support (or fail to relate to and support) adoptive and foster families.

  If Numbers Could Talk
  A 2002 nationwide survey commissioned by The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption revealed many interesting things regarding Americans' views and attitudes about adoption.

  One finding was particularly relevant to local churches. When asked 'where would you turn for information or advice about how to adopt,' 52% of married couples indicated they would turn to their local church. Purchase valium online, Thus, as you might or might not suspect, many people at the front-end of the adoption process think of their local church as being a good place to go for information and advice about adoption. Sounds positive, right. Hold that thought.

  Now fast-forward to the post-adoption period – that period of time after the adoption has been finalized and many families begin to encounter some of the unique challenges that come along with being an adoptive family. Dr. Cd Mason (in partnership with FamilyLife's Hope for Orphans and Focus on the Family) conducted an internet-based research study in early 2007 entitled The Jordan Project, purchase valium online. This study included detailed responses from over 400 adoptive families in an effort to find out more about their post-adoption experiences. Given that these families were all constituents of FamilyLife and/or Focus on the Family, it is safe to assume that the overwhelming majority of them regularly attend church, and probably an evangelical church at that. Generic diazepam, The results of Dr. Mason's work were tabulated and presented at a conference in Colorado Springs in May 2007, and the findings revealed some very interesting results. I've prepared a summary of the results for you to download Purchase valium online, . For example, the study found that people were nearly twice as likely to turn to their local bookstore (20.5%) as they were to their pastor or local church (11%) for support or help in dealing with post-adoption issues. (That's 1 for Barnes & Noble and 0 for the local church, for those of you keeping score at home.) In fact, even though well over half of the respondents reported encountering various post-adoption issues and challenges, only 9% of respondents indicated that they first turned to their church for support in dealing with post-adoptive issues. And overall, more than half of the families who responded indicated that their pre-adoption counseling did not adequately prepare them for their post-adoption experience.

  Equally interesting was the discussion that followed the presentation of these results, when parent after parent said in plain, unambiguous terms 'my local church is not a 'safe place' for adoptive and foster families – particularly for those who are struggling.' These parents told stories of how they and their children were ignored, misunderstood, shunned and left to deal with their struggles, isolated and alone. Some even told stories of being judged because their children, many of whom were adopted after spending years in institutions or being shuffled from foster home to foster home, did not 'fit' the perceived mold of the model child in the church, purchase valium online.

  My heart literally broke as I heard these parents detail their realities. How ironic it is that a majority of people starting out on the adoption journey think of turning to their local church; but when families respond to God's call to adopt and begin to encounter some of its difficult challenges, they suddenly realize that the church is actually one of the least relevant and most unhelpful places they can turn, cheap phentermine no prescription. They come face-to-face with the reality that their church is not a safe place for families like theirs.

  Is the Local Church the Safest Place on Earth?
  Several years ago Larry Crabb wrote a book entitled The Safest Place on Earth. Purchase valium online, The book focuses in large part on the transformational power of authentic biblical community. Borrowing from Crabb's title, I believe that our local churches should be – in fact they must become – the safest place on earth for all who seek to belong and connect even in the midst of their brokenness, heartache and hardship. It seems to me that this reality should be no less true for adoptive and foster families. Yet, as evidenced by the results of The Jordan Project and by the stories of many more Christian families, the undeniable reality is that far too many adoptive and foster families simply do not believe, and have not experienced, that to be the case.

  And yet, there is currently a growing movement of sorts in local churches as more and more Christians across the United States are raising their voices on behalf of the 'fatherless' around the world and in our own communities. Increasingly local churches are launching adoption, foster care and orphan care ministries of various kinds, and beginning once again to clearly communicate God's heart for the 'fatherless' as revealed in Scripture, purchase valium online. These churches are leading the way for people to become more involved and invested in the lives of these children in response to the biblical mandate to care for the orphan and the 'least' among us. However, we must be honest and acknowledge that, as our churches raise the banner and sound forth the call, an increasing number of families will respond by exploring adoption or foster care – and I believe that many will move forward in faith to adopt and foster. Clomid online cheap, Thus our churches will continue to find themselves at a critical juncture – at a place of deciding whether they will fully embrace families that God has called to foster and adopt and what changes they are willing to make to do so. Fundamentally they must decide whether they will simply proclaim God's love and their concern for the fatherless 'outside their walls,' while refusing to fully welcome them back 'inside the walls' as cherished members of the church community. Our churches must decide if they will become the 'safest place on earth' for adoptive families.

  Part 2 will examine what churches can do to become the 'safest place on earth' for adoptive and foster families..

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  Viagra no prescription, Everybody wants to be normal. Not most everybody – EVERYBODY. At least that's the conclusion I have come to, and, barring any abnormal definitions of 'normal' or 'everybody,' I am still looking for the exception to this rule.

  
  Different Like Everybody Else
  Now I know as soon as I make such a bold statement someone will pipe up and say, 'Not me. I'm different and I'm proud of it. I am my own man – a maverick, a lone ranger. I don't conform to anyone's standard, viagra no prescription. I could care less about being normal.' To which I would reply, 'Oh really. What, do you ride a Harley or have holes in your jeans or have messy hair or like to sky dive or paint your torso blue and act crazy at football games – just like thousands of other guys?' No matter how different, no matter how out of the ordinary, abnormal or nonconformist you think you are or try to be, the reality is that there are hundreds, maybe thousands of others, in solidarity with you. And the truth is that deep down we like that because it makes us feel, well, normal – even if in a weird sort of way.

  So I stand by my statement – everybody wants to be normal. Viagra no prescription, At the same time I should be clear that I am not denying that people want to express their uniqueness at times and in various ways, or suggesting that everybody wants to be identical to those around them. Rather, Order tramadol online, it is simply my way of observing that we all want to fit in (with someone or some group); we all want to feel connected; we all want to identify with others and have them identify with us. Simply put, we don't want to be an 'oddball,' 'out of sync,' 'missing out' or 'out to lunch' – especially on the things that matter most.

  Is Adoption Normal?
  So you may be wondering – what exactly does this have to do with adoption or foster care. I'm glad you asked. See, I think that one of the main reasons that people generally don't (or don't want to) adopt is because they don't see it as 'normal.' I think this is particularly true of guys, viagra no prescription. It just doesn't feel normal to them. It isn't normal in their family, in their group of friends, among their co-workers, at their church or whatever. In other words, it isn't familiar, it isn't comfortable, and therefore it isn't normal.

  It all leaves me wondering just how many people never follow through or get very far in terms of adoption, even possibly resisting God's clear call to pursue adoption, because it just doesn't seem 'normal.' Maybe they are not connected to others that are doing it or, equally important, that have done it, and as a result they are (understandably) somewhat afraid that if they adopt that others will not be able to identify with them, nor they with others, in several important ways.

  Discovering a Different Kind of Normal Viagra no prescription, If I am honest I can understand where folks are coming from in concluding that adoption is not 'normal.' After all, adoption does in many ways seem to rearrange the 'natural' order of things. It is by its nature a recognition that something has been broken somehow, where to buy cheap viagra, somewhere; that something has gone awry. But on the other hand, adoption is tangible proof that hope, healing and redemption aren't just ideas or fuzzy concepts – they are real.

  I have come to realize that we generally view as 'normal' that with which we are familiar and comfortable. Therefore, relatively recent changes in adoption, not the least of which are the dramatic increases in international, transracial and open adoptions, are causing adoption and adoptive families to become more obvious and, as a result, more and more 'normal.'

  Seven years ago adoption was not normal to me. When we chose to adopt I was not close to a single person that had been adopted, viagra no prescription. I am not even sure that I knew anyone who had been adopted. I certainly had a favorable view of adoption, as most people do. But it was a conceptual view. After all, it seems rather hard to be negative about the concept of adoption.

  But what I have come to discover, based on my own experience and in talking with countless other guys about adoption, is that the more time I spend around others who have adopted, the more 'normal' it all seems. The more I read about how others have dealt with the unique challenges that adoptive families face, Order synthroid online, the more comfortable I feel with the challenges that lie ahead for my kids and and our family. With each passing day I realize more and more that, for the most part, my family and other adoptive families are simply like every other 'normal' family, with just a few differences here and there. I guess you could say that we are just a different kind of normal.

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  Ordering ultram online cheap, I was sitting at home in Texas while Amy, my wife, was on the phone from Guatemala and was crying and asking the simplest and yet one of the most difficult questions to answer – why. Why had our wait to adopt our twins from Guatemala taken so long. Why, upon arriving in Guatemala City for her fourth visit to see our twins while we waited for all the paperwork and endless steps to be completed, had she discovered that our son had a growth at the base of his skull. Why couldn't she get any answers or good medical care for him there. Why couldn't we just bring them home. Why was this happening to us, ordering ultram online cheap. Why, why, why.

  As I sat on the phone hundreds of miles away from her I did not have any answers. Worse yet (especially for a guy), there was nothing – absolutely nothing – I could do to 'fix' the situation. The thing about adoption is that it can, at times, cause you to feel quite helpless, impotent and utterly powerless. Ordering ultram online cheap, So I told her that I loved her and not to cry and not to worry and to get some sleep, and then I got off the phone and cried and worried and couldn't sleep. And then it hit me – the answer to the 'why' questions as they related to our adoption journey, Cheap soma without prescription, as they related to the children we so desparately wanted to welcome home.

  The next morning while driving to work I typed out the following message on my Blackberry . . .

  --------------------------------
  Original Message
  --------------------------------
  From: Michael Monroe
  Sent: Tuesday, February 01, 2005 9:32 AM
  To: Amy Monroe
  Subject: It hit me

  Last night it hit me, ordering ultram online cheap. The answer to your question – why. It hit me that the answer, at least for me, is that some love simply costs more than others. We as Christians should know this better than others. It is easy for me to forget that this process is not about me. Ordering ultram online cheap, It's about giving these kids the love that they deserve – the love that every child deserves. If all we are able to ever give to Kate and Carter is what we have given them thus far I believe that would be enough – for them. Of course we do and will always want more for them and for us. But the bottom line is that they are wanted and are loved, even desperately so.

  I have to remind myself that what we are really doing here is ransoming them. We can only pay the ransom for Kate and Carter with our love, ordering ultram online cheap. So, it will probably go on hurting. Hopefully a little; maybe a lot. But we will not and cannot stop loving them whether it is a week, buy cheap clomid, a month, a year or lifetime more. They are wanted and are loved by us and will be forever. Ordering ultram online cheap, I would not want to be in this valley with anyone other than you. And I believe that we will come out with a more wonderful family, a more beautiful love and a richer understanding of the true miracle of adoption.

  I love you,
  Michael
  --------------------------------
  End Message
  --------------------------------

  The Bible repeatedly reminds us that we are never alone. And not only are we not alone, we are assured that God is up to something – even though we may not understand or even like our present situation or circumstances.

  In Romans 8 the apostle Paul writes: 'Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter, ordering ultram online cheap. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, Nexium discount, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.'

  So don't give up . . . and don't stop asking 'why.'
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  Synthroid without a prescription, I don't talk with my kids about adoption. It's not that I don't think it is a good idea – it certainly is. It's just that, even though all four of my children were adopted, they have no interest in 'talking' about it. At this age they seem to much prefer chatting about it . . , synthroid without a prescription. . . casually, when and if they feel like it and on their terms. So that's what we do, and I love every chance I get.

  Misconceptions About 'Adoption Chats' Synthroid without a prescription, I think there are several misconceptions when it comes to talking or chatting with your kids about adoption. One is that it's the mother's job – that somehow and for some reason 'adoption talk' will more likely (and more appropriately) come up between moms and kids rather than with dads. That certainly has not been my experience – nor the experience of many of the adoptive dads I know. For a variety of reasons, every time our oldest boys (age 6 and 5) engage in any 'adoption talk' it is most often with me. It will certainly be interesting to see if this trend continues and how it changes with our twins (age 3), one of which is a girl.

  Another misconception is that 'adoption talk' is always a serious matter, synthroid without a prescription. While some questions about adoption require an air of seriousness, many more do not. It is important not to be too serious about adoption, even while taking it very seriously. For us, prozac pharmacy, some of the funniest (and sweetest) things our kids have ever said have been adoption-related – as their creative and sponge-like minds process the world around them and force it through the adoption-tinted filter which for them is perfectly normal and commonplace. One instance in particular stands out. Synthroid without a prescription, Grant (age 4 at the time) and I were walking on the trail behind our home and were noticing our neighbor's backyard. Grant asked why there were no toys or swings or the like in their yard, to which I replied, 'well maybe they don't have any kids.' Without missing a beat Grant replied 'looks to me like they are going to need adoption.' And with that he had started an adoption chat. As usual with Grant, it only lasted 30 to 45 seconds before he lost interest and changed the subject. That exchange was a fairly typical adoption chat for Grant and me – and I love every one that we have.

  Yet another misconception is that you 'tell' your kids about adoption – as in a one time event when you sit them down at the kitchen table and break it to them in dramatic fashion. In past generations a single moment of 'telling' may have been the norm, but now this is often simply not an option whether due to the race, age or any number of other characteristics of the child or circumstanes surrounding their adoption, synthroid without a prescription. For many children (though certainly not all), the 'cat's already out of the bag' so there's no need to schedule a time and plan to 'tell' your kids about adoption. For the most part you may not even need to go out of your way to force the conversation. Instead, just let them bring it up or look for natural and comfortable ways to work it into everyday conversation. For my oldest two boys I've made it an occasional part of our bedtime routine for years now. Synthroid without a prescription, We will get out their 'special books' (which are scrapbooks or lifebooks of their early years filled with pictures and brief captions) and just chat away about whatever comes to their minds as we tell and re-tell the story of how we became a family. I have found that over time these conversations build on themselves as children develop an ever-evolving understanding of themselves and their family - and how the two came together in a very 'special' way.

  A Truly Forever Family
  Chatting with your kids about adoption presents one other very unique opportunity as well – one that has eternal significance. As our children get older, our adoption chats increasingly provide me with the chance to relate God's love for them and his desire to welcome them into his family to their own personal experience and understanding of adoption. As my kids have begun to ask more and more questions about God and Jesus (the other night Grant exclaimed 'Daddy can we talk about God tonight. I have 80,000 questions!), I've been able to chat with them about how God chooses to love us (even though we can't and don't deserve it) and how he wants to adopt us into his 'forever family.' These are all concepts that they understand, and I am excited to gaze with them through this beautiful (but often overlooked) lense as we seek to better understand and experience what it means to become a child of God by adoption through faith in Jesus Christ, synthroid without a prescription.

  In the end, chatting with your kids should be something dads look forward to . Lowest price alprazolam, . . something we treasure. Synthroid without a prescription, Yes, it can certainly be a bit intimidating and maybe even scary at times, but it's important to make sure that you are the only one that feels that way. It is critically important that your children feel the freedom to talk with you about any and every aspect of their adoption. And only you can give them that gift. The opportunity to talk with your kids on so many levels about something so meaningful, so incredibly personal is truly a blessing and honor. So make it your job to chat with your kids about adoption . , synthroid without a prescription. . and start thinking now how you will react and respond to the wide range of thoughts and questions they are likely to throw your way.

  Ideas and Resources
  Here are a few ideas to get you started or help you along the way:
  

  
  
  • Start early, chat often – In my opinion, there is no such thing as starting too early chatting with your kids in age-appropriate ways. In addition, your child's understanding of adoption and their own story will constantly be evolving – so don't stop being available and open to chat as the years go by. Synthroid without a prescription, Chatting once or twice is not enough, so be sure to ask questions or raise the subject in a comfortable, natural way as often as possible.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  • Be honest and accurate – Talk about what you know (at the right time and in an age-appropriate way) and keep in mind that 'I don't know' is a perfectly fine answer. Share your child's curiosity about the facts that are unknown, but be sure not to turn your child's story into a fairy tale. Adopted children were born just like all other children, and it is important to remember that their story (and therefore part of who they are) begins before they were adopted.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  • Listen and acknowledge your child's feelings – Listen and attempt to understand the feelings behind what your child is saying. Remember that feelings of loss, curiousity and even sadness and confusion are natural. Keep in mind that statements about birthparents are not a reflection on you, but most often simply an attempt to make sense of every aspect of who your child is.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  • Use positive and respectful adoption language – How you talk about adoption with your child communicates loudly to them. Be sure that you convey that chatting about adoption is acceptable and even welcome and be sure to use positive and respectful adoption language, buy synthroid online. It matters. Check out these sites for great tips: www.perspectivespress.com/pjpal.html and www.carolinaadoption.org/education_1.asp.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  • Don't tear down or overly romanticize birthparents – It's important to remember that part of your child's identity (and therefore self-esteem) is undeniably linked to their birthparents – no matter the facts and circumstances that led to their adoption. Therefore, it is very important to refer to your child's birthparents by name (if known) and speak respectfully, yet honestly, about them.
  
  
  
  Below are a few additional resources to check out:
  
  
  
  • Adoptive Families Magazine – Special Section: Talking About Adoption
    http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/talking
  
  
  
  
  
  
  • Talking With Young Children About Adoption
    by Mary Watkins and Susan Fisher
    http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Young-Children-about-Adoption/dp/0300063172
  
  
  .

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  Lowest price zithromax, I suppose you could say that my body is 'broken.' This news came as a huge surprise nearly eight years ago, and to say it was a big disappointment at the time is an understatement. After trying to conceive for nearly a year Amy and I learned that I am infertile. I recognize that this is something that guys don't normally talk about, although I am not exactly sure why that is. But when my doctor explained to us back then what he would need to do in order to find out why I am the way I am (just find out 'why,' mind you, not necessarily 'fix' anything), we decided we could live with not knowing.

  As a result of my condition it is fair to say that Amy is 'broken' too, in that she and I together were not able to have biological children. Things just didn't happen for us like they seemed to for everyone else, although I have now come to learn that we actually aren't so special in that regard, lowest price zithromax. Statistics indicate that about 10% of couples experience infertility and some 30 to 40% of that infertility is (at least in part) 'male-factor.' So chances are that you (or someone you know) might be 'broken' in this way too.

  When you think about it we are all 'broken' in one way or another. Some physically, some emotionally, some relationally – and all of us in relation to God because of our sin. But what I've come to truly understand is that God is really into broken things. Lowest price zithromax, He reminds me of my grandfather in that way.

  My grandfather had a basement full of old, Buy lorazepam online, half-working video cameras and all sorts of recording and electronic equipment. I now realize that he had the money to go out and buy the latest, fancy stuff, but he took pride in patching up and fixing the old broken things instead. He would fiddle with it, tweak it and, invariably, he would get that old junky equipment working again. But one thing he never, ever did – he never threw any of it away. Nothing, I mean nothing, was beyond repair or unusable to him, lowest price zithromax. Every little piece, every little part had some value. What nearly everyone passed off as mere junk he regarded as something with value and potential. In his mind, if you put just the right pieces together, no telling what kind of 'masterpiece' you would end up with.

  As I look at my family, that has been woven together through the miracle of adoption, viagra prescription, I get the profound sense that God, similar to my grandfather, is really into creating 'masterpieces' out of the broken things in our lives. Lowest price zithromax, All four of my children were adopted and so, by definition, they are all 'broken' to some extent. They were born into situations that were in different ways 'broken' and chances are they will always have some very natural and normal questions about their origins, their identity and what might have been. In other words, questions about some of the broken things in their past.

  But God, in His infinite grace and wisdom, chose not to ignore our desire to love and care for children nor the need of the children we now call 'ours' to find a forever family. Instead, he continued to author a story of redemption as He carefully wove our lives together. In the words of the apostle Paul from Romans 8, God was working in every detail of our lives for something good – even, maybe especially, in the broken things, lowest price zithromax. And from those broken things He made something truly beautiful . . . something far beyond anything we could have ever imagined or hoped for. Buy phentermine bars, To be honest, when I first learned that I was infertile I did wonder 'why.' Now, years later, as I have seen what God has made and is still fashioning out of the broken things in our lives, I'm just simply thankful.

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