http://adoptivedads.org Just another WordPress site Thu, 01 Dec 2011 20:09:58 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en http://adoptivedads.org/my-perfect-child <_edit_last>4<_edit_lock>1322770204Christianity Today recently featured an article by Amy Julia Becker entitled My Perfect Child. I first read a version of this article years ago in the magazine First Things, and it both challenged and encouraged me. (You can find that original, longer version of her article here.) But in the midst of all this imperfection, hope and healing can be found as we live and love the way our perfect God intends.<_wp_old_slug> http://adoptivedads.org/confessions-of-a-sorry-father <_edit_last>4<_edit_lock>1322759284I want to be a good father. I even like to think I work pretty hard at it – certainly much harder than I ever imagined I would. But despite my best intentions and in spite of all of my efforts, I am still a pretty sorry father at times. Sorry as in bad, rotten and no good. I can think of some other ways to say it, but I think you get the picture.<_wp_old_slug>There is no doubt my son was wrong, but that’s really not the point at all. My litany of wrongs didn’t make his wrong right. Instead, my behavior made everything worse. I was the problem today – and if I am honest, this wasn’t the first time and, sadly, it won’t be the last. http://adoptivedads.org/grateful-to-share-my-mothers-day <_edit_last>4<_edit_lock>1314891799There are times (many times in our home) when mom simply says it best. Such is the case with the thoughts that my wife Amy shared on Mother's Day on the Tapestry Blog. I hope you are encouraged and maybe even challenged a bit by her heartfelt reflections.I may not be my children’s only mother but I am the only one they can hug, give a homemade card to and say “I love you” to on this special day. So while this special day is about me, it is not “all” about me. I share it with a grateful heart with the women who allowed me to celebrate this special day with the children that we love. http://adoptivedads.org/on-the-road-to-discovery At two and a half, my daughter is too young to wrestle with her identity as a Vietnamese girl being raised in a white family. And yet, as she is starting to discover her appearance and the appearance of others, Elise is beginning to make some observations.<_edit_lock>1304975148<_edit_last>5As a surly ogre, Shrek has a hard time fitting in with the rest of the world. I hope my daughter, as a Vietnamese kid being raised by white parents, feels more comfortable and accepted.<_wp_old_slug> http://adoptivedads.org/anything-but-typical <_edit_last>4<_edit_lock>1295103292I am realizing that I cannot have Carter and have a “typical” son. Far from being any sort of sacrifice, this reality is a blessing from God, for which I am forever thankful. As this atypical son of mine continues making me, day-by-day, into a rather atypical father, I am learning how much I still have to learn. And yet, I clearly see all that he has already taught me.<_wp_old_slug> http://adoptivedads.org/why-christmas-stinks-sometimes <_edit_lock>1295045453<_edit_last>4Amidst all of the tinsel and lights, and despite the excitement of being out of school and the anticipation of the gifts and fun of Christmas day, the reality is my kids – not unlike other kids who were adopted – still have profound losses that cannot be erased and must not be ignored. And sometimes, even against their own wishes, the realities of their past and what they have lost comes crashing in. Even at happy times like Christmas.It was the third day in a row, or maybe the fourth.  I don’t exactly recall.  I do, however, vividly remember coming home from work and being met by my normally patient and long-suffering wife declaring in an overly frustrated tone “Here, you deal with him.  I’m done!”<_wp_old_slug> http://adoptivedads.org/tell-me-about-it <_edit_last>1The other day, Gracie—my three year old—pointed to the top of her hand and said “I’m the color of chocolate cake, but my family’s the color of this…” She turned her hand over and touched her palm.
“How does that make you feel?” Kristin asked. Gracie touched her fingers to the sides of her eyes and pantomimed tears running down her face.<_edit_lock>1292954884As adoptive parents, our children will struggle with issues around identity and belonging. A strong attachment and a safe place to dialog can make a world of difference in how they deal with those issues.

The Donovan Family. Clockwise from the top left: Kristin, Matt, Jaimes, Davy, and Gracie<_wp_old_slug> http://adoptivedads.org/daddy-how-much-did-i-cost <_edit_last>4<_edit_lock>1295044089This conversation was yet another reminder of how important it is for me to always seek to understand adoption not just from my perspective as an adoptive parent, but also through the eyes of my children. Viewed in that way, “how much did I cost?” is a perfectly logical question, and one that deserves more than a quick, ‘textbook’ answer.<_wp_old_slug> http://adoptivedads.org/becoming-a-band-aid-dad <_edit_lock>1292255106<_edit_last>1I am learning that becoming a Band-Aid Dad is a process. It takes practice and it certainly stretches me at times. But the more Band-Aids I apply to my kids’ wounds – both seen and unseen – the more I am convinced that Band-Aids lovingly applied really can heal.Recently I came across an Adoptive Families Magazine article entitled Band-Aid Mom. In the article, Wendy Flemons, an adoptive mom, asks this important question – “Can a Band-Aid do more than heal a physical wound?” As simple as it may seem, this is a profoundly important question and one that adoptive dads should be equally interested in answering.<_wp_old_slug> http://adoptivedads.org/what-your-kids-learn-from-you A recent post by Donald Miller punched me right in the gut. As the author explains, we play a huge rule in our kids' lives. And just to emphasize the point, here's a picture of my little girl trying on some boxing gloves.<_edit_lock>1289329263<_edit_last>5Apparently, it’s not enough to just raise your kid, safely ushering them to high school graduation.<_wp_old_slug>